Sad Eyes

I may be broken, but I'm not broken down. I'm sure they're trying to be sensitive by not mentioning it, but they can't simply not know the particular circumstances which cause me to want to do all sorts of tiny meaningless tasks but not actually get on with my life. I've never been this motivated to garden, paint, or write in my entire life. I'm distracting the fuck out of myself for the next four months to avoid inevitable cabin fever and caginess.

It's not that I don't want a job. I could complete a psychoanalysis to the best of my ability and figure out all kinds of deep reasons for why I'm reluctant to get a job. I don't want to accept that this is as much the real world as that was, I want to pursue other things, I want time to visit friends and family. But the simple answer is just that, simple. I've only had that one job, at least in classic terms of employment. I hated it. Why'd I stay? A combination of not realizing how much I hated it until I got some hindsight, and not wanting to let anyone down by quitting. Just like the victim of spousal abuse who thinks that that's just the way marriage works, I didn't realize that I didn't have to hate my job. However, now I'm feeling tremendous pressure to go back to it, and I really don't want to.
With a little luck, maybe I can get to something else first.

I had a brief brush with the world of bureaucracy today, and once again, am glad I didn't go down that path. A simple delivery. I walked through an open door, not marked with "Employees Only" or any indication that I shouldn't walk through it. I was promptly told that I wasn't allowed to be there, and fortunately, rather than being forcefully escorted out, pointed through another unmarked door towards my destination. This is why I'm an artist.

After that, I ordered new set of eyes. These ones come with clip-on sunglasses. I still marvel that my old frames, purchased 6 or 7 years ago, are basically of the current style, thick semi-transparent plastic. Anyways, 6 or 7 years later, it's time for a change.

I've only got so much positive outlook. After today's meltdown(s) I'm looking to build up another supply. I've heard green tea is really really good for you.

Keep Dreaming,
Daydream Believer

It's Not What It Looks Like!

Okay, okay, I know this looks bad. Really bad, in fact. My place is a shambles and it looks like a herd of water buffalo just came through, but I'm organized and closer to moving out, I swear. Really.

Next time you hear from me, I'll probably be back in the castle. Unless it's before Friday. Bags, boxes, and my weight in packing tape are going with me for a lovely little 10 hour drive. Yep 10 hours, not 8. Apparently I don't drive as fast as my parents.

Ironic, I never opened the peanut butter jar. Just another change, I suppose. Here I am going back, and I can relate CC saying he's sad to go back. Work, and quite possibly a lot of stress in my future. Job anxiety is not good for me, and I think it took some hindsight to figure out just how much I hated my job. So here's to my luck and hopefully not going back to that job. Here goes nothing.

Keep Dreaming,
Daydream Believer