The Trail We Blaze

Maybe I'm a little bit slow on the uptake. Maybe a bit more than a little slow. Goodness knows I've missed a few things lately. Although a few things fell into place too. For instance, a year and a half too late, I figured out what the clue with the Anima/Animus thing was supposed to be. Although really, Gold, you ought to have known that your brain works on one wavelength, and mine works on a totally different one, and while that was a perfectly good hint working on your wavelength, I try to follow your brainwaves and get sucked into the undertow, and well, look at how long it took me for that clue to fall into place. It's a good thing I wasn't relying on your hints, isn't it? Otherwise I'd still be in the dark.

In any case, I also learned the difference between a monolith and a megalith. And based on what I know of both (granted, not much) I doubt that the former was ever as accurate as the latter, although that's my reality. Sure, there's an objective reality, but I'm sure that you're as sure that what you perceived as reality was real as I am that what I perceived as reality was real. Although you can't get much more real than your own experiences. It doesn't entirely surprise me to see how long that change took to take place, but it disappoints me a little. I suppose I haven't got any right to be disappointed, but since when have my emotions taken any advice from my head.

Red, Bear, Heater, I'm going to need that little vacation. I know it's going to be inconvenient, I know it won't be as stress-free as we'd planned, but I think I'm going to need to distance myself a little. Even if we don't end up leaving town.

Twice in six months I've gone back to old, grainy, black and white after a fortnight of high-definition. This time it was a little different. Maybe it was the lack of jet-lag. Maybe it was because things still haven't returned exactly to their sepia-toned everyday selves. I don't know, I may never know. Although I sympathize with Gold sentiment of "Okay, now it's time for the next thing." Stay tuned for the movie. Yes, there's going to be a movie.

Funny, isn't it, that when the tears started flowing, among all present, there was only one person who I wished would not see them.

There's change on the air again, lots of it. In many areas. A summery twist on my usual toboggan analogy: the enclosed black waterslide. This is, I guess, the part where, terrified, I sit on the dinghy and shut my eyes, powerless to control the direction or speed of the slide, never having been on a waterslide before, tuck in my feet and scream.

Just along for the ride,
Daydream Believer

A Bite Before Lunch

Promiscuity

You see that subtitle, and you assume sexually promiscuous, but I'm going in a whole other direction today. Ever thought about emotional promiscuity? Feeling too much for someone, or feeling something for too many someones, or any combination or extension of the two. I could debate whether emotions are physical or metaphysical, or how to decipher that annoying little feeling in your gut that bears an uncanny resemblance to thousand-pound butterflies. How can something that heavy flutter, I ask you? That's not the point. I would argue that there's as much or more opportunity to get hurt by being emotionally promiscuous as by being sexually promiscuous. Of course, there are those who would disagree with me, but there are those who disagree with me whatever I say. But no one's concerned about discouraging emotional promiscuity. You can feel whatever you want, just don't act on it.

Abstinence

Ok, here's me waxing political for a little while. In the United States of America, "land of the free, home of the brave", there are places where the only kind of health education there is in secondary schools is abstinence only. These are not private, religious schools (although that really wouldn't excuse it) but public schools. State funded schools. In the United States, the ignorance of youth is paid for by Americans' tax dollars. For anyone who doesn't understand exactly what Abstinence-Only sex education is, it's exactly as the name implies. There is no discussion of contraception or ways to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. One slogan used in such programs is, "The only safe sex is married sex." The rationale for these programs? If youths don't know that there are options about contraception, they just won't have sex until they get married. That's just great, isn't it? Because not telling adolescents about contraception is definitely going to stop them from having sex, because nobody ever had sex before contraception was invented, because marriage is always faithful, because nothing ever gets out of hand. Sometimes, abstinence works as a method of contraception, but sometimes it doesn't, and in those situations, there needs to be a backup available. In addition, if a person decides not to engage in any sexual activity before marriage, there is a strong likelihood that they will rush into marriage.

Long story short: wake up and smell the coffee, America, abstinence-only sex education isn't helping anyone.


Anyways... Happy New Year, since this will probably be my last post of 2006. 2007 should be interesting, and here's hoping it'll be a good one.

In other news... Evanescence rocks! Hee hee hee, I can't wait.
28 hours keeps getting closer and closer. I can't wait.
No word yet on Disney... although at this point I could live without it.
8.5 till freedom. I really can't wait for that.

FWF
So yeah... now I feel really strange. I can't quite place the gut feeling here... or maybe I can, and just don't want to admit to it. I'm not sure. I thrive on pushing limits, but the limits here are a little closer than they might otherwise be. And there's more of a chance that the limits will move without my knowing, and there's more at risk if I push a little too far.

Terror
You're worrying, and with good reason. You've got a fair amount to worry about here, but I hope it turns out alright for you. Preferably without any violence. Remember, they're both being jerks, and you don't have to stand in between them to stop them from butting heads, because all that will do is make them both headbutt you. And that won't solve anything.

Bear
Indecision bites, doesn't it? I say, give up on #1, but that's just my two cents. Of course the decision is yours to make. 2 and 3 both look very promising, and there's no sense settling down just now, I agree. You're young, unsettle.

Gold
28 hours 28 hours 28 hours 28 hours 28 hours....
Can you tell I'm a little bit excited?

Loud
Good to see that you and Star are talking things over. Keep me posted on New Years plans.

Anyways, lunch break's starting
Keep Dreaming,
Daydream Believer

No Day But Today

28 Hours, 28 Hours, 28 Hours in less than 4 Months!
Right now, I'm just counting down the days until 28 hours. I can't wait. To those of you who deal with me on a daily basis, I apologize in advance for the hyperactivity and excitement which will without doubt get annoying within a week or so. It's going to be bloody brilliant.

Changes
She came back for a few days. I think--I hope-- she's gone on her not-so-merry way by now, but those were not a fun few days. Quite frankly, I never wanted to see her again, much less allow anyone else to see her. But I think I've managed to ditch her once again, and hopefully this time my escape will be a little more permanent.
Gold, if you want to see how I've changed, ask me about the last week or so.

Waiting... Waiting...
In other news, finally got finished with something that's been driving me clear up the wall lately, mostly because it requires me to actually think about, and more vexingly make decisions about, the future. My future. But it's done, so now I just have to wait and hope I don't get laughed out of line, so to speak.
I think that's maybe what prompted the ever-so-lovely, "What's going to happen to us?" question I had to deal with yesterday. I'll say it straight out, I'm worried. Terrified, actually. I don't know what's going to happen to us, what's going to happen to me, what's going to happen to you. All we can do is wait and see.

I've always wondered where I'm going, and whether the trip is going to be pleasant.

Song Lyrics
This is a fantastic song which I adore singing, even though I usually can't make it through a phrase without breathing, usually at a quite inopportune moment. However, I think it's brilliant, and parts of it describe my feelings about certain people and certain situations pretty accurately. It's always creepy/fun when you hear a song that sounds like the writer was pulling stuff out of your head to put into a song.

Breathe (2 am)
Anna Nalick
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

I find it interesting how several different songs, all called "Breathe", can have such different characters. There are more than this I'm sure, but I'm thinking of this one, one by Melissa Etheridge, one by Shania Twain, and one by Faith Hill. They're all very different, but they do have this commonality that I can't quite put my finger on.

Long story short- music is amazing.

Keep Dreaming,
Daydream Believer