Burn

Just to recap, yeah, the vampire thing is pretty hot.

So I'm playing with fire, but maybe that little burn is just what I need. A distraction. What might happen if it wasn't a distraction is dangerous territory, as is what might happen if the distraction grows to overshadow that which it is supposed to distract me from.

Somebody's gonna hurt someone before the night is through,
Somebody's gonna come undone, there's nothing we can do.
Everybody wants to touch somebody, if it takes all night.
Everybody wants to take a little chance, make it come out right.
There's gonna be a heartache tonight.

I'm hoping I've gotten through the first part of the heartache, and now I'm free and clear for awhile. I gotta say, one hell of a distraction. I'm working on this whole "no regrets" thing, I am. Trust, limits, history, geography, friendship, lust, fear, curiosity, human nature, hope, longing, self control, joy, pain, there's a lot here. I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't enjoying it. I weave complicated webs, and do so willingly. It makes life more interesting. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I can play at both Valerian and Mandrake. There are many ways to be intoxicated, I suppose, and this is a particularly finicky one. But I've still got a smile on my face, and for once the adorable side is up.

Funny, isn't it? The way things shake out. Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.

Keep Dreaming
Daydream Believer

If this was a movie, the song on the soundtrack would be I'm Still Here. But it's not a movie, so I can't guarantee that everything's going to work out in less than an hour. I can't guarantee that everything's going to work out at all. I hope it does, for what it's worth. I doubt I'll sleep tonight. Maybe this is the beginning of my feline demise. No regrets, you taught me that. If this is your way of protecting me, you're doing one hell of a job. I'd still be driving around if I didn't have the sense to know I'd have the truck around a tree within the hour. But I do, so I'm here, typing out idle, angry words that may or may not be worth anything tomorrow. About a friendship that may or may not be worth anything tomorrow. I hope your secret is going to smile at you, laugh at your dumb jokes, and remind you to keep your chin up about her. Because I would have. I probably still will, but I don't know whether you'll want me to. Maybe I pushed just a bit too hard, but you know that that's the way my mind works. You were concerned about destroying something by divulging, and I hope you haven't destroyed something by keeping mum. There are some stupid things I could do right now that I've never been so tempted to do in my life. I won't, because the risks aren't worth the possibly rewards, even thinking of the risks as the rewards, but at least I'd be able to sleep tonight. You were so concerned about the worst that could happen. I can't think of anything worse than this, than leaving things this way. I hope that whatever you're afraid of was worse than this. Because this isn't going to go away on its own. We're at a bit of an impasse here. Maybe I do know. Goodness knows I've heard words like this before. But now, as then, I think I'm crazy, imagining something there that isn't. It wouldn't be the first time. Even the first time with you. Maybe I'm overcomplicating things. Maybe I'm reading in too much. Maybe I'm not reading in enough. Maybe now, like then, the simplest answer is the truth, much as it makes everything else complicated, much as it goes against probability, even the things I know and feel. Maybe now that I've proved that I can out-stubborn you, you'll trust me. Why is this friendship so hard all of a sudden?

It's on your front porch.

I wish... never mind.

Daydream Believer