Ramen

I once fancied myself a rebel. Then I decided that I really didn't have the drive to defy convention, and at that point I found that that was exactly how I defied convention, and continue to. I don't align, or identify. I tried, goodness knows. But nothing quite fit. I tried to be unusual as a woman in a male-dominated field, athletics or science, but realized that I can't stand math and would take writing over running any day of the week. I change too much, too frequently to qualify or quantify myself as any certain type. Indeed one of the things that I felt set me apart from many is something that's about to change. I suppose I could look at it as gaining a skill. A dubious one, I'll admit, but this doesn't have to be any more character-altering than learning how to fire a gun was. I know how to fire a gun, but I'm not about to go on a shooting spree. It's not about who I am, it's about what I can do. Power and ability. I liked the ride, time to try it without training wheels. I'll probably fall, but I'll probably get up and do it again.

Keep Dreaming
Daydream Believer

The Game

I could. I can. I will.

The Dirty Rascal

Here I am, back in the castle once again. For the second time in a seven day period. I don't resent it as much as I used to. It feels a little less like a prison, a little more like a palace right now. Especially after the massive disruption and its aftermath. I feel a little more grounded now, a little saner. Or a little less sane, and just more accepting of it. I'm not sure exactly.

"No one can hear you scream"
Frightening words, the mainstay of a certain genre of terrifying films. But sometimes they're not scary, and that can be even more terrifying.

It's too easy to blame someone else. It's also too easy to blame yourself. It's not just you, or them, it's a whole pile of different things bouncing around and off each other.

Strange that we reconnected over you telling me I was in over my head, Red. That I'd get hurt. I should have known you were right, at least in part. Sometimes I'm too optimistic for my own good. But now it's not the same. Why is it that while the tricycle seems so steady, the four-wheeler seems so unbalanced? I miss the bike. I miss you.

Why is it so much easier to say, "I hate you" than "I love you"? It's funny that there's no shame, no stigma associated with hating someone, yet there is with loving someone. It's an easy way to sprain your dignity. I guess it's because someone you hate can't hurt you, not really. Not the same way. It's like being a turtle. Loving someone is flipping yourself (or getting flipped) onto your back. Even if they're not trying, the smallest hurt will do the maximum damage. Might kill you.

Take care what you ask of me, 'cause I can't say no.

I won't be held down by who I used to be.

Everybody's waiting for the hammer to fall.

Too young to die, and too old to believe in promises.

I hate the way you look at me, as if I was broken.

In spite of it all, I feel pretty good. Something about a brand-new bird's eye view kinda makes everything seem a little less epic. A little easier to handle.

Keep Dreaming,
Daydream Believer