Buttercup

I don't know why it takes so much less effort to break me down than it does to build me up. One comment, probably a joke, about my company making him sick, and all of a sudden it doesn't seem like we can get along after all. Maybe he should have thought of that before... well, before. Sooner or later I'm likely to actually hit him. I've already started the verbal assault. I've already taken one low blow. I doubt I'll ever land the one that could drop him to the floor. The one that's a little kamikaze, because it would drop me too. Let everyone know what I'm capable of.

Why is it that while I have no problem logically dealing with the way people are on a large scale, once you get to the small scale, the microhumanity, I have a seemingly endless supply of good will and benefit of the doubt. I know that people aren't the way I wish they were, I know communism or anarchy won't work because people mostly suck. So why is it that I can still with complete confidence pin huge amounts of emotional capital on people being the way I wish they could be on the small scale? Possible theories include being an overly optimistic nut, being too stupid for my own good, not being able to learn my lesson, or some combination of the previous possibilities.

Dreaming of amazing wonderful people.
Daydream Believer

A Smile On My Face

You learn new things every day. I'm going to keep learning things, even things I don't necessarily want to know. All knowledge is worth having.

I am getting stronger and braver after all. Life is a lot like lifting weights. The only way you get stronger is by doing things you're not strong enough for. You have to keep pushing, otherwise you stagnate. I refuse to stagnate. I will continue to do what I should, do what I have to, and do what I want to, even though sometimes when I do those things it doesn't work out the way I think it should. I'll worry about breaking down when it gets a little closer, and I won't shy away just because I've been burned.

Right now, I feel invincible. The sun is shining in this rainy old town and it seems like the world is falling back into place. I'm not walking into a wall anymore, there's a warren of routes ahead of me, rather than a single dead end. I made it this far. I found out what kind of stuff I'm made of, and it's pretty sturdy.

I won't be ashamed to laugh or cry, if that's what I feel like doing.
I'll learn from my mistakes, but not so much that I paint with a broad brush. Every situation is different, whatever parallels may exist.
I will face my past and future with hope and a pinch of realism.
I will jump off the bridge, not because everyone else is, but because nobody else has the guts to.
I won't be afraid to be alone, but I also won't be afraid to be in company.

If I let my hair down, would that be such a crime? It's not wrong to be young. I may just step off the edge again, worrying about the fall all the way, but to get up and walk off afterwards. I can strike the balance between feeling alive and staying alive. I can, I can... I can.

Oh yes, she's back.

Keep Dreaming,
Daydream Believer