Encore

Here it comes again. That feeling of deadness, emptiness. The very feeling I tried to escape. Doubled in strength and from two separate angles. Threatening to swallow me up with every passing moment. I don't fear being alone. Never have. The way I plan to live my life, I'll probably spend a good deal of time alone. It can be peaceful. It lends clarity, perspective. What I fear is the loneliness. The feeling that everyone who I might once have mattered to is gone. There's a saying, the pain of rejection is not from someone saying no, it's from the feeling that no one will ever say yes. Loneliness is like that too. It's not being alone, it's the feeling that you'll be forced to be alone.

Would you mind if I pretended...

Another shoe drops. There should only be two, but there have been more than that so far... there'll be more. I should know my limits by now. What I can handle. I've got a lot of tears in me, but for some reason certain things just won't make me cry. At least not on their own. Three exceptions. Now, at least. Up until a week ago, only two. Funny, it's not who you'd assume it is. Maybe I'm only really strong when I really have to be. If that's the case, this is a very good sign. Fuck, there's silver lining all over this bloody cloud. Long as I pay attention to it. We walking into this hoping we wouldn't wreck it and expecting we would. But its not wrecked. Is the tension going to be worse next time around? Possibly. Friendship is less of a string and more of a finely-wrought steel cable, firmly anchored at both ends. No one can hurt you like a close friend.

One day I'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore.

One way or another it'll all shake out.
Keep Dreaming
Daydream Believer