Secrets can be fun. When I say I'm not surprised it happened, it means I thought it probably would, although I would not have been surprised if it hadn't happened either. In spite of my sometimes overwhelming urge to confide, I'm keeping my trap shut this time. Secrets have a way of wiggling out even through pursed lips. There's nothing to confide. It's not like it's anything I can't handle. Secrets still give me that lovely glowy feeling though, that feeling of knowing something. It makes each joke a little funnier, keeps a slightly sardonic smile on my face throughout the day. Maybe I'm really keeping it quiet because I still haven't shaken that need for the approval of all the other sheep. Especially here and now. Which implies that I'm not sure the other sheep would approve, and it's true. As much as I like to bandy about my I-don't-give-a-shit-about-the-masses attitude, when push comes to shove, I'm as much of a coward as the next person. When the masses are made up of people you've come to know and care about, it's a little harder to flout what they think. As long as I don't get any direct questions, I'm alright. I don't lie well. And sometimes "It's none of your business" just won't fly. I would so hate to take away their punching bag. Largely because I would likely replace it. I've spent a fair amount of time the last few days cringing over the jokes I've laughed at, the jokes I've made. In a new context, they're still funny, but I really don't like having to eat my words. These ones might not go down so easy.
I may have started out as a fox, but I was always hunting something. Even when I tried to pretend I wasn't.
Inevitability. That's what's sometimes lacking, this peculiar feeling of not being able to stop it even if you wanted to. It feels good, fun, not stressful or worrying. As much as I hesitate to tempt the fates of contact between shit and fans, things are pretty good right now. Into the home stretch and on my way. Adventures are good.
Dream On
Daydream Believer
1 comment:
I have never had a great facility for secrets, for reasons that are readily apparent. This is not to say that I have never kept a secret, and indeed when entrusted with secrets I think I do ok. That being said, someone entrusting me with a secret is a rare affair indeed. Sometimes I wonder what it is like to be the kind of person who people trust with secrets. Imagine the sort of burden that could be, even if you're not the sort of person who likes to talk!
Of course, as has famously been said: "Three men can keep a secret...if two of them are dead"
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