Breathe In, Breathe Out

This is me not panicking. This is me not staring at my calendar, feeling hopelessly behind already and wondering why the hell I decided to do this in the first place. Honest. None of that's happening.

Hell, who am I kidding? I may have felt totally and completely in control this time yesterday, but this shit is intimidating. I have 3 major papers, a group presentation, 4 midterms, 6 practical assignments (3 of which involve using software I encountered for the first time today, let alone all the microphones and wires associated with getting the material I need to edit). All of this by Christmas. While keeping myself fed, watered, exercised, and in clean clothes and a clean house with not too many dirty dishes in the sink. Oh, and sane. Sane is good too.

I know, in my head, that I can do this. I've handled this kind of thing before, in fact, so far, I've done almost exactly this four times. And it has all worked out fine. And I did not feel like I did nothing but work. I will be okay, I know this.






You're waiting for the "but", aren't you? I know I am. There's no "but".





...however, (which is not "but") the fact that I know I can handle this does not stop me from looking at the calendar I've just finished updating and feeling like there cannot possibly be enough time in the next 11 weeks to do everything on my task list, let alone keep up with the readings and all the things associated with being a grown-up, independent, living-on-her-own woman. Like laundry and grocery shopping. Roommates do have their uses. There's something to be said for only having to do a third of the chores.

So I now have some meditation recordings, the stuff to pack my lunches and chill out on campus reading/writing/'rithmetic-ing(...?) in between classes. I stared down a psychologist today. Repeatedly. Apparently I'm ballsier than I thought. But I already knew that.

I'm going to fight down this silly panic monster. I'm going to drink hot chocolate, eat ice cream, lift weights, and sleep well. I'm going to kill my own bugs, set my own mousetraps, and slay my own dragons. This is going to be my year.

Whether it likes it or not.
Daydream Believer