Everybody has their weaknesses. Everybody has their issues. I suppose what they don't realize when they show those scare tactic videos is that the people they're trying to scare aren't afraid. Everyone else in the room is terrified. I'm sitting here watching this video saying, "I wish I had that much discipline. I wish I could manage that." For the first time I understood the rationale of control. I don't have that much control. I don't have that much discipline. I'm a fraidy cat. I see those tendancies, I see those habits. I see them in them, and mirrored in myself. And I hate that I'm not strong enough for that. Some might say that it's a blessing, that it's better this way. I'm not so sure. I'm stubborn as anything. I have a lot of willpower, but not quite that much. I'm not that strong.
And then there's emotional pain. A strange, totally unexpected twinge of heartache, so severe that it felt physical. Totally unexpected, but entirely familiar. It was almost a safe kind of pain. Safe, but unwelcome. Safe only in its familiarity. Who would have thought that a dream could have so much power? I should have, for the love of God and everybody, but this took me by surprise. But I don't know whether it was a dream or a nightmare.
Dreaming the day away,
Daydream Believer
2 comments:
You can be stubborn, and you do have a lot of willpower.
... But if you had any more then you do now, I think the whole world would be in for a lot of trouble!
I understand the emotional pain. I've been there. It's a curse and a blessing, all at once. And only you can choose whether to let a dream get the best of you and turn into a nightmare. But you're stubborn enough to put it in it's place =D
... When are you coming down for Christmas? Depending on when you get here, I may no longer be working at Harvey's. I got a new job =O
I wanted to talk to you about this while you were here, but it never came up. Feel like talking?
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