Risk and Reward

Awareness and risk, we didn't crash into one another. I don't know why he annoys me so much. Just the general frustration of fascination, I'm sure. At least he's talking to me again. Only in theatre.

As always, the toughest bit is getting out of bed in the morning. Every tough time is like that. Once I'm out of bed and moving, and occasionally this translates to properly dressed and no longer rocking my PJ's around the living room, I have some momentum. As much as I hate to imply that physics may actually have some bearing on my life, I feel I'm a victim of inertia. In the same vein, getting to sleep is tough too. I don't want to rely on the pills on the bedside table to stop the charge of circular thoughts around the inside of my skull, to dull the heartache and let me drift off. Morpheus is only sometimes my friend. He didn't want to let go of me this morning, and I suspect that tomorrow will be no different. The lines are crisscrossing each other, and I don't know where they turn into boundaries. I'm still intrigued, though I'm sure it's a bad idea. Just the same as before, right down to cigarette smoke. It's human nature to want what you can't or shouldn't have. Though if I get what I want, will I fall into the same trap again? The one I unwillingly lure someone into as we speak. Maybe it is to do with the exoticism. That which is rare is always prized.

I like to shelter, I like to protect, I like to nurture, but I also like to deal with independent self-sufficient people. That sounds like I'm a lot angrier than I am. I'm not angry really, it's just that nobody else is quite enough, and I'm frustrated in more ways than one. The fact that it doesn't feel quite right doesn't quell the cravings, just keeps me from satisfying them. The fact that I don't know who to trust, who I can trust, especially given my recent bouts of tongue wagging, doesn't help at all. And I should be writing for NaNoWriMo rather than doing this. But for some reason I'm not.
I might be taking up Japanese again, but not until December.
Keep Dreaming
Daydream Believer