About two and a half months ago, someone said to me, "I envy you, you're at such a nice stage where everything's rainbows and butterflies, and you don't have to deal with the real world." Well, the real world has caught up to me, as it always does. I'm not doing it on purpose, but I'm creating this distance, and it's glaringly obvious.
"I never want you to feel obligated to see me."
There's words I dind't think I'd be hearing for awhile. I hate that this hurts more than if you screamed and yelled and ranted and raved. It hurts more than if you'd slapped me. This is real hurt. This is something I'd give anything to make go away. That I hurt this much lets me know without a shadow of a doubt how much I care. But I can't make you understand it, because all I can say is "I'm sorry." And that's just not enough.
Circles
I'm probably too quick to trust. Everything in this life changes, and me along with it. I move, grow toward, grow apart, then move again. I don't know how to stop it. I guess I've always just had itchy feet. I hate the word best. There are no bests in my world, just the way time shifts things, and the way we do. I can't say that word, best, as it relates to you and me, because that's not the terms I think of this in. I do trust you, as much as I trust anyone else, more than most. I guess the problem is that I want so badly to be anyone someone needs to anyone who needs someone, and it just can't happen that way. Because more than actually needing other people, I find I need to be needed. Not to say that I don't need others too, because I do. It's hard to explain properly. But I have a feeling you'll know what I mean, because that's something you do very well, figure out what I mean from a blush and a stammer. I can't use the word best, but as far as I'm concerned, it's just a different word. If you want to use the word best, be my guest. I'm not scared.
FWF
This is beginning to look more and more like my favourite mistake. The major similarities? I hate how every time I talk to you, I feel like there's something been left unsaid. I hate that I can have a fantastic conversation with you, or a terrible one, but either way, I don't want to see you go. I hate how we grew apart so fast, and I hate myself for selfishly wanting you to need me. A friendship can't be based on a single night, or even a few nights, and I should really try harder to remember that. The number 1 major similarity: This isn't your fault, it's mine.
So yeah, today was a resounding failure, and I very much wish I could take it all back and redo it, but the world doesn't have an undo button. Even if it did, I'm sure it would be so abused and in such disrepair that it just wouldn't work.
I think I may need more ice cream...
Keep Dreaming
Daydream Believer
Circles
I'm probably too quick to trust. Everything in this life changes, and me along with it. I move, grow toward, grow apart, then move again. I don't know how to stop it. I guess I've always just had itchy feet. I hate the word best. There are no bests in my world, just the way time shifts things, and the way we do. I can't say that word, best, as it relates to you and me, because that's not the terms I think of this in. I do trust you, as much as I trust anyone else, more than most. I guess the problem is that I want so badly to be anyone someone needs to anyone who needs someone, and it just can't happen that way. Because more than actually needing other people, I find I need to be needed. Not to say that I don't need others too, because I do. It's hard to explain properly. But I have a feeling you'll know what I mean, because that's something you do very well, figure out what I mean from a blush and a stammer. I can't use the word best, but as far as I'm concerned, it's just a different word. If you want to use the word best, be my guest. I'm not scared.
FWF
This is beginning to look more and more like my favourite mistake. The major similarities? I hate how every time I talk to you, I feel like there's something been left unsaid. I hate that I can have a fantastic conversation with you, or a terrible one, but either way, I don't want to see you go. I hate how we grew apart so fast, and I hate myself for selfishly wanting you to need me. A friendship can't be based on a single night, or even a few nights, and I should really try harder to remember that. The number 1 major similarity: This isn't your fault, it's mine.
So yeah, today was a resounding failure, and I very much wish I could take it all back and redo it, but the world doesn't have an undo button. Even if it did, I'm sure it would be so abused and in such disrepair that it just wouldn't work.
I think I may need more ice cream...
Keep Dreaming
Daydream Believer
1 comment:
I didnt mean to hurt you when I said" I never want you to feel obligated to see me." I dont know, I guess there's something in the air tonight, but sometimes I feel like you dont want me around, and Im trying to figure out why. I had alot of fun on New years eve. And then the night of january 4th happened and all through the movie im wondering and trying to figure it out why you decided what you did. I couldnt come to any conclusions I didnt understand why this happened, I thought I was gonna be able to spend time with you before you left and it turns out I didnt get a chance too, I even felt like getting out and busing home. I realize that you made a mistake and that you're sorry, I also realize that whats done is done. I really dont want anything like this to happen again it happened twice now which 2 to many.
and Im afraid of whats going to happen if this becomes a habit. You know I love you, I enjoy spending time with you. I try to know more about you everyday.I need you. I just hope you feel the same about me. You can tell me anything, dont forget that.
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