Merry Merry

I keep going to bed with too much on my mind. That or it's too early, and I don't have the effective sedative of sheer exhaustion to knock me out before my what ifs can keep me awake. Having been exiled from the tree-room while the final preparations are made, I sit up here, cramped, in one of the few places in the house I can have any privacy, and believe me, there were points today where I considered announcing I was going to have a bath just so I could have half an hour's peace.

My wish list gets less material every year. And this year it's full of things no one can give me. Lately I've been the kind of person who'd be thrilled to get a coupon book full of coupons like "one hour of free kvetching without even having to buy me a coffee to do it" and "one get out of dishes free card". This year they're a little less optimistic, a little more cynical.

I want to not be ditched. Maybe it doesn't really count if there were no definite plans, so maybe you don't think you ditched me, but I feel ditched, and it's starting to piss me off because it's a recurring event.

I want to be important to those who are important to me. This is me being selfish again, but I think it neither unreasonable nor entirely unexpected.

I want to be powerful. I want to understand why people do things. The definition of leadership is getting people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it. I want to be a leader, rather than be manipulated by them.

If I don't get any of the above, I want to be able to let them go so that one or a combination don't make me cry anymore. I don't really care why. Desensitization, greater strength, or just no longer caring, any of them would do the trick.

Thanks for listening Santa... hope you've got a computer on that sleigh... since I'm pretty sure you're scheduled to be on the roof at the moment. But then, it's pretty windy out there, maybe you're a little delayed.

Merry Christmachannukwanzikas/Non-denominational, non-exclusive, non-offensive, politically correct consumerist materialist gift-giving day
Daydream Believer