You Talk About Heaven, But You Said You Don't Believe In God?
My beliefs are complex. Give me a break, this is a time when I'm supposed to be changing my mind every 20 minutes or so, isn't it? You'd think I was weirder if I was sure. I do keep changing my mind, because I keep finding out about things I hadn't considered. Previously I found myself best classified as "none of the above". However, now I think maybe it would be more accurate to say "all of the above" or at least "none of the above exclusively".
In any case, during my little hiatus while my computer was simply not behaving itself, I thought of a couple of interesting things, which thankfully I had the presence of mind to write down, because I never seem to be near a notebook, let alone a computer when I start thinking about stuff.
Nothin' But A Heartache
If I didn't know any better, I'd think I was heartbroken. I'm not heartbroken. I am feeling the effects of a loss though. Whoever said you can't miss what you've never had was a liar. That or they always had what they wanted. Granted, if you'd asked me a month ago whether I had this or not, I'd have said I did. Now I know that I was wrong.
Conflict. Can you care for someone you don't respect? Can you respect someone and want to slap the smirk off their face at the same time? Can you hold partial respect for someone?
I'm trying to sort it out. Comeone I want to slap, someone I want to hug. Someone I want to make cry. Someone I want to keep from crying.
I'm too close to this. I'm too far in to get out. I shouldn't be here in the first place, but now I'm here to the bitter end.
Do I still care? Of Course. So I think that's wise? No. I keep asking myself the eternal question, "What if things were different?"
The fires are out, the burns bandaged, but itwill be a long time before they fade. For whatever part I played in this, I am sorry. Is this perhaps a pain, like so many others, that was created through my own device? I wouldn't be surprised, I've got a knack for this shit.
Empty Orchestra
Froosh! We fall out of the sky. We scream around corners, caught up in a world so vibrant that it makes high-definition look like a grainy old black and white TV. So vibrant it's surreal. This is a once in a lifetime experience, and it's one that's changed us. We may not know who we are, even if we did before, but we know that we don't have to. We can face anything. It's not about how far you fall, it's about how high you bounce when you hit bottom. Life isn't about plan A anymore.
Alright, I think that's pretty close to enough soul-searching type stuff for now. In other news, finally saw all three spiderman movies... not too bad, although I still think the emo version of Peter Parker is just not right...
Anyways, one thing that's really present in my mind right now is music. And lots of it too. I have a few snippets of lyrics running through my head right now.
What kind of world do you want
Think anything
Let’s start at the start
Build a masterpiece
Be careful what you wish for
History starts now
--World, Five For Fighting
I believe
fate smiled and destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience
and with faith
she'll make her way"
--Wonder, Natalie Merchant
And, the newest addition to my little list of quotes:
Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.
--Voltaire
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
Daydream Believer
P.S. Much as I wish I'd thought up that last quote, no... it's Edgar Allan Poe.
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