"Emotions aren't good or bad, they just are."
Did anyone else get told this as a child? In any case, it's a baldfaced lie.
I feel like a coldhearted bitch. I don't quite understand what it is I'm feeling right now. No, wait, that's a lie too. I understand just what it is, what I don't understand is why it's rearing its ugly head right now. Why is this bugging me so much? Your guess is as good as mine. They're happy now, and God knows the deserve it. It's not that I want someone to be miserable... I hope. It's just a change, and although I thrive on change, I still have to get used to it. It'll blow over. I hope. Never think about what might have been.
One step forward, two steps back. Just tell me what you want from me.
7+2 until freedom.
I don't know where I'm going to go, but I'm going no matter what anyone says. I'm going to get there. I just don't know where there is yet.
17 till 17
I should be happy. The universe is working itself out in a not-too-shabby way for once. So how come I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop? Because I'm a hopeless cynic, that's why, and that's what's going to continue to deprive me of happiness for a long time.
It occured to me recently just how few people I'm really close to. I don't know if I'm keeping them at arm's length on purpose, or if that's just how the world is working out. The ones who've seen me at my worst, well, a rather indiscriminate bunch, I suppose I spend a lot of time at my worst. The ones who've seen me at my best? Few and far between. When I'm at my best, I am generally alone. People I could tell anything to? Nobody. People who I could hear anything from? Nobody, because everybody's got their confidante. The one person who knows everything. And so help the person who tries to work their way into the inner circle. As a result? The people I tell almost everything and anything to are again a rather indiscriminate bunch. But could I pick any one of them and tell them the rest of the story? No way. It's give and take. Maybe I don't give enough to take the share I have.
Sleep well.
Daydream Believer
One step forward, two steps back. Just tell me what you want from me.
7+2 until freedom.
I don't know where I'm going to go, but I'm going no matter what anyone says. I'm going to get there. I just don't know where there is yet.
17 till 17
I should be happy. The universe is working itself out in a not-too-shabby way for once. So how come I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop? Because I'm a hopeless cynic, that's why, and that's what's going to continue to deprive me of happiness for a long time.
It occured to me recently just how few people I'm really close to. I don't know if I'm keeping them at arm's length on purpose, or if that's just how the world is working out. The ones who've seen me at my worst, well, a rather indiscriminate bunch, I suppose I spend a lot of time at my worst. The ones who've seen me at my best? Few and far between. When I'm at my best, I am generally alone. People I could tell anything to? Nobody. People who I could hear anything from? Nobody, because everybody's got their confidante. The one person who knows everything. And so help the person who tries to work their way into the inner circle. As a result? The people I tell almost everything and anything to are again a rather indiscriminate bunch. But could I pick any one of them and tell them the rest of the story? No way. It's give and take. Maybe I don't give enough to take the share I have.
Beauty-- Shaye
So you've come to this bridge
In an unfamiliar land
You know it's a bridge you are going to walk on
And the only thing you know is
Everything you know
Will do you no good from here on
And the day that you spin
From your little cocoon
Well, you can't be prepared
For the beauty you'll find there
And you will find beauty
In the toughest of places
And I will be thinking of you out there
So pick up your bags
Look around at your friends
And you know none of them
Would ever have enough strength
To cross the bridge and lose control
I never felt this bold
Never felt this good
And the day that you spin
From your little cocoon
Well, you can't be prepared
For the beauty you'll find there
And you will find beauty
In the toughest of places
And I will be thinking of you
Stay true to your nomad skies
Keep your eyes out for coyote
A thousand secrets are lost
In the archival dust
So lay your ears upon the tracks
One day you will come back
With wrinkled hands and grey hair
And there you will stand on the spot
And you'll marvel how the place is still the same
Though you are somebody else now
Fly on butterfly
And the day that you spin
From your little cocoon
Well, you can't be prepared
For the beauty you'll find there
And you will find beauty
In the toughest of places
And I will be thinking of you out there
So you've come to this bridge
In an unfamiliar land
You know it's a bridge you are going to walk on
And the only thing you know is
Everything you know
Will do you no good from here on
And the day that you spin
From your little cocoon
Well, you can't be prepared
For the beauty you'll find there
And you will find beauty
In the toughest of places
And I will be thinking of you out there
So pick up your bags
Look around at your friends
And you know none of them
Would ever have enough strength
To cross the bridge and lose control
I never felt this bold
Never felt this good
And the day that you spin
From your little cocoon
Well, you can't be prepared
For the beauty you'll find there
And you will find beauty
In the toughest of places
And I will be thinking of you
Stay true to your nomad skies
Keep your eyes out for coyote
A thousand secrets are lost
In the archival dust
So lay your ears upon the tracks
One day you will come back
With wrinkled hands and grey hair
And there you will stand on the spot
And you'll marvel how the place is still the same
Though you are somebody else now
Fly on butterfly
And the day that you spin
From your little cocoon
Well, you can't be prepared
For the beauty you'll find there
And you will find beauty
In the toughest of places
And I will be thinking of you out there
Sleep well.
Daydream Believer
1 comment:
Nothing is simple.
There is no confidante, no one to directly tell everything.
The only confidante I have looks back through his tired orange eyes whenever he looks in the mirror, and doesn't say much.
I am close to many people, but I couldn't tell you why - I just happened to drift there.
One group of people - I am a hero to them for surviving my odd childhood.
One group is just weird, like me.
One group just sat next to me in one class and they all loved video games.
I spent 13 years drifting. I was always on the sidelines. I was tired of my surroundings, myself. So I changed - for myself, not for anyone else - I did exactly as I had always wanted to do, and I fell back into the world of people.
My advice, if you are feeling cut off and isolated - Do something you want to do.
If I were to say anything now, I would say you are impatient, and somewhat selfish, at least for the time being. You ask of people because people don't ask of you. Stir something in yourself, and others will resonate with you.
I have changed so much over the last 4 years. As far as I can tell, you haven't changed at all...
If such prying strikes at your core irritate you, then say so: prove there is still a fire burning.
Think about it.
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