Nose To The Grindstone

I hate how when I have the most arbitrary, superfluous stuff to get done is when I have the most ideas that are begging to be written down. I write almost as much as I talk, which is to say a lot. The ideas are threatening to take me over, and have been giving me bizarre dreams. I also hate how, with all these ideas in my head, as soon as I'm staring at a blank computer screen with a keyboard at my fingertips, or an empty notebook page with pen in hand, they evaporate and I'm blocked. So here's me trying to de-block so I can get some proper sleep tonight.

He's baaaaack. And he's pissed. Fortunately for me, he's also jet-lagged, and hitting the hay well before I do every night, giving me at least a couple of hours of peace per day. For now at least. Jet-lag doesn't last much more than a week, and my patience is already wearing thin. I suspect that I will miss the 7-hour waste of my time far more than I would if he was still in parts unknown.

Speaking of blocks, communication blocks. I hate them. Right now, they're rearing their ugly heads right between me and SS, and I'm not sure why, between me and FWF, because apparently we don't have anything in common, and every time I try to start a meaningful or interesting conversation, I am reminded of that. There's that lovely communication block between me and red, which I'm not sure how to fix. It's possible that after all this time, and all this rotation, from which we seem to have been exempt, it's just our time to move apart. I hope not though. Then there's the other CR, who seems to be blocking everyone out, not just me. But still, there's something irritating about reaching out a hand only to have it slapped away.

I walk next to the wolf. Next to, but not near. A safe distance. A respectful distance. I've never felt there was much use to distance. I don't know why that distance appeared, or grew, but it did, and I am no longer in a position to close it. So I wait. And hope. Hope it's not too late, hope something didn't go terribly awry. It's all I can do for now.

Weird day today, almost got an early escape from the house of grease (ie: do you want fries with that?), thanks to an as of yet inexplicable blackout. Key word being almost. Five minutes from freedom, and had to put it in reverse. Blast.

Only 7 days till C-day.

Only 4 till 17. That's going to be interesting. I've been thinking about it. I probably think too much, but I can't help it. It's one of my talents. This year was supposed to be pretty amazing. "This is where your eyes open, your life begins" I heard. I believed it at the time, now I'm not so sure.

Tomorrow should be fun, much singing, dancing, and eating. Not all at the same time, though.

Regrets. They're funny little buggers, aren't they? They sneak up on you when you're least expecting them.

This week will be strange. I can just tell.

I'm still pretty blocked, but exhaustion is starting to set in. Something about fitful, dream-filled sleep just isn't as restful. Oh well, I'll roll myself out of bed in the morning and have another day tomorrow.

Daydream Believer