Promiscuity
You see that subtitle, and you assume sexually promiscuous, but I'm going in a whole other direction today. Ever thought about emotional promiscuity? Feeling too much for someone, or feeling something for too many someones, or any combination or extension of the two. I could debate whether emotions are physical or metaphysical, or how to decipher that annoying little feeling in your gut that bears an uncanny resemblance to thousand-pound butterflies. How can something that heavy flutter, I ask you? That's not the point. I would argue that there's as much or more opportunity to get hurt by being emotionally promiscuous as by being sexually promiscuous. Of course, there are those who would disagree with me, but there are those who disagree with me whatever I say. But no one's concerned about discouraging emotional promiscuity. You can feel whatever you want, just don't act on it.
Abstinence
Ok, here's me waxing political for a little while. In the United States of America, "land of the free, home of the brave", there are places where the only kind of health education there is in secondary schools is abstinence only. These are not private, religious schools (although that really wouldn't excuse it) but public schools. State funded schools. In the United States, the ignorance of youth is paid for by Americans' tax dollars. For anyone who doesn't understand exactly what Abstinence-Only sex education is, it's exactly as the name implies. There is no discussion of contraception or ways to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. One slogan used in such programs is, "The only safe sex is married sex." The rationale for these programs? If youths don't know that there are options about contraception, they just won't have sex until they get married. That's just great, isn't it? Because not telling adolescents about contraception is definitely going to stop them from having sex, because nobody ever had sex before contraception was invented, because marriage is always faithful, because nothing ever gets out of hand. Sometimes, abstinence works as a method of contraception, but sometimes it doesn't, and in those situations, there needs to be a backup available. In addition, if a person decides not to engage in any sexual activity before marriage, there is a strong likelihood that they will rush into marriage.
Long story short: wake up and smell the coffee, America, abstinence-only sex education isn't helping anyone.
Anyways... Happy New Year, since this will probably be my last post of 2006. 2007 should be interesting, and here's hoping it'll be a good one.
In other news... Evanescence rocks! Hee hee hee, I can't wait.
28 hours keeps getting closer and closer. I can't wait.
No word yet on Disney... although at this point I could live without it.
8.5 till freedom. I really can't wait for that.
FWF
So yeah... now I feel really strange. I can't quite place the gut feeling here... or maybe I can, and just don't want to admit to it. I'm not sure. I thrive on pushing limits, but the limits here are a little closer than they might otherwise be. And there's more of a chance that the limits will move without my knowing, and there's more at risk if I push a little too far.
Terror
You're worrying, and with good reason. You've got a fair amount to worry about here, but I hope it turns out alright for you. Preferably without any violence. Remember, they're both being jerks, and you don't have to stand in between them to stop them from butting heads, because all that will do is make them both headbutt you. And that won't solve anything.
Bear
Indecision bites, doesn't it? I say, give up on #1, but that's just my two cents. Of course the decision is yours to make. 2 and 3 both look very promising, and there's no sense settling down just now, I agree. You're young, unsettle.
Gold
28 hours 28 hours 28 hours 28 hours 28 hours....
Can you tell I'm a little bit excited?
Loud
Good to see that you and Star are talking things over. Keep me posted on New Years plans.
Anyways, lunch break's starting
Keep Dreaming,
Daydream Believer
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
No Day But Today
28 Hours, 28 Hours, 28 Hours in less than 4 Months!
Right now, I'm just counting down the days until 28 hours. I can't wait. To those of you who deal with me on a daily basis, I apologize in advance for the hyperactivity and excitement which will without doubt get annoying within a week or so. It's going to be bloody brilliant.
Changes
She came back for a few days. I think--I hope-- she's gone on her not-so-merry way by now, but those were not a fun few days. Quite frankly, I never wanted to see her again, much less allow anyone else to see her. But I think I've managed to ditch her once again, and hopefully this time my escape will be a little more permanent.
Gold, if you want to see how I've changed, ask me about the last week or so.
Waiting... Waiting...
In other news, finally got finished with something that's been driving me clear up the wall lately, mostly because it requires me to actually think about, and more vexingly make decisions about, the future. My future. But it's done, so now I just have to wait and hope I don't get laughed out of line, so to speak.
I think that's maybe what prompted the ever-so-lovely, "What's going to happen to us?" question I had to deal with yesterday. I'll say it straight out, I'm worried. Terrified, actually. I don't know what's going to happen to us, what's going to happen to me, what's going to happen to you. All we can do is wait and see.
Right now, I'm just counting down the days until 28 hours. I can't wait. To those of you who deal with me on a daily basis, I apologize in advance for the hyperactivity and excitement which will without doubt get annoying within a week or so. It's going to be bloody brilliant.
Changes
She came back for a few days. I think--I hope-- she's gone on her not-so-merry way by now, but those were not a fun few days. Quite frankly, I never wanted to see her again, much less allow anyone else to see her. But I think I've managed to ditch her once again, and hopefully this time my escape will be a little more permanent.
Gold, if you want to see how I've changed, ask me about the last week or so.
Waiting... Waiting...
In other news, finally got finished with something that's been driving me clear up the wall lately, mostly because it requires me to actually think about, and more vexingly make decisions about, the future. My future. But it's done, so now I just have to wait and hope I don't get laughed out of line, so to speak.
I think that's maybe what prompted the ever-so-lovely, "What's going to happen to us?" question I had to deal with yesterday. I'll say it straight out, I'm worried. Terrified, actually. I don't know what's going to happen to us, what's going to happen to me, what's going to happen to you. All we can do is wait and see.
I've always wondered where I'm going, and whether the trip is going to be pleasant.
Song Lyrics
This is a fantastic song which I adore singing, even though I usually can't make it through a phrase without breathing, usually at a quite inopportune moment. However, I think it's brilliant, and parts of it describe my feelings about certain people and certain situations pretty accurately. It's always creepy/fun when you hear a song that sounds like the writer was pulling stuff out of your head to put into a song.
Song Lyrics
This is a fantastic song which I adore singing, even though I usually can't make it through a phrase without breathing, usually at a quite inopportune moment. However, I think it's brilliant, and parts of it describe my feelings about certain people and certain situations pretty accurately. It's always creepy/fun when you hear a song that sounds like the writer was pulling stuff out of your head to put into a song.
Breathe (2 am)
Anna Nalick
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.
Anna Nalick
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.
I find it interesting how several different songs, all called "Breathe", can have such different characters. There are more than this I'm sure, but I'm thinking of this one, one by Melissa Etheridge, one by Shania Twain, and one by Faith Hill. They're all very different, but they do have this commonality that I can't quite put my finger on.
Long story short- music is amazing.
Keep Dreaming,
Daydream Believer
Long story short- music is amazing.
Keep Dreaming,
Daydream Believer
Monday, December 18, 2006
Nose To The Grindstone
I hate how when I have the most arbitrary, superfluous stuff to get done is when I have the most ideas that are begging to be written down. I write almost as much as I talk, which is to say a lot. The ideas are threatening to take me over, and have been giving me bizarre dreams. I also hate how, with all these ideas in my head, as soon as I'm staring at a blank computer screen with a keyboard at my fingertips, or an empty notebook page with pen in hand, they evaporate and I'm blocked. So here's me trying to de-block so I can get some proper sleep tonight.
He's baaaaack. And he's pissed. Fortunately for me, he's also jet-lagged, and hitting the hay well before I do every night, giving me at least a couple of hours of peace per day. For now at least. Jet-lag doesn't last much more than a week, and my patience is already wearing thin. I suspect that I will miss the 7-hour waste of my time far more than I would if he was still in parts unknown.
Speaking of blocks, communication blocks. I hate them. Right now, they're rearing their ugly heads right between me and SS, and I'm not sure why, between me and FWF, because apparently we don't have anything in common, and every time I try to start a meaningful or interesting conversation, I am reminded of that. There's that lovely communication block between me and red, which I'm not sure how to fix. It's possible that after all this time, and all this rotation, from which we seem to have been exempt, it's just our time to move apart. I hope not though. Then there's the other CR, who seems to be blocking everyone out, not just me. But still, there's something irritating about reaching out a hand only to have it slapped away.
I walk next to the wolf. Next to, but not near. A safe distance. A respectful distance. I've never felt there was much use to distance. I don't know why that distance appeared, or grew, but it did, and I am no longer in a position to close it. So I wait. And hope. Hope it's not too late, hope something didn't go terribly awry. It's all I can do for now.
Weird day today, almost got an early escape from the house of grease (ie: do you want fries with that?), thanks to an as of yet inexplicable blackout. Key word being almost. Five minutes from freedom, and had to put it in reverse. Blast.
Tomorrow should be fun, much singing, dancing, and eating. Not all at the same time, though.
I'm still pretty blocked, but exhaustion is starting to set in. Something about fitful, dream-filled sleep just isn't as restful. Oh well, I'll roll myself out of bed in the morning and have another day tomorrow.
Daydream Believer
He's baaaaack. And he's pissed. Fortunately for me, he's also jet-lagged, and hitting the hay well before I do every night, giving me at least a couple of hours of peace per day. For now at least. Jet-lag doesn't last much more than a week, and my patience is already wearing thin. I suspect that I will miss the 7-hour waste of my time far more than I would if he was still in parts unknown.
Speaking of blocks, communication blocks. I hate them. Right now, they're rearing their ugly heads right between me and SS, and I'm not sure why, between me and FWF, because apparently we don't have anything in common, and every time I try to start a meaningful or interesting conversation, I am reminded of that. There's that lovely communication block between me and red, which I'm not sure how to fix. It's possible that after all this time, and all this rotation, from which we seem to have been exempt, it's just our time to move apart. I hope not though. Then there's the other CR, who seems to be blocking everyone out, not just me. But still, there's something irritating about reaching out a hand only to have it slapped away.
I walk next to the wolf. Next to, but not near. A safe distance. A respectful distance. I've never felt there was much use to distance. I don't know why that distance appeared, or grew, but it did, and I am no longer in a position to close it. So I wait. And hope. Hope it's not too late, hope something didn't go terribly awry. It's all I can do for now.
Weird day today, almost got an early escape from the house of grease (ie: do you want fries with that?), thanks to an as of yet inexplicable blackout. Key word being almost. Five minutes from freedom, and had to put it in reverse. Blast.
Only 7 days till C-day.
Only 4 till 17. That's going to be interesting. I've been thinking about it. I probably think too much, but I can't help it. It's one of my talents. This year was supposed to be pretty amazing. "This is where your eyes open, your life begins" I heard. I believed it at the time, now I'm not so sure.Tomorrow should be fun, much singing, dancing, and eating. Not all at the same time, though.
Regrets. They're funny little buggers, aren't they? They sneak up on you when you're least expecting them.
This week will be strange. I can just tell.
I'm still pretty blocked, but exhaustion is starting to set in. Something about fitful, dream-filled sleep just isn't as restful. Oh well, I'll roll myself out of bed in the morning and have another day tomorrow.
Daydream Believer
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
10 til 17
Foul-Weather Friend
I'm always here for you, you know that. But it's okay to tell me when things are going right too. I don't mind helping you try to fix things, in fact, I like it. That's not the problem. I'm not asking you to stop telling me when your world's falling apart, I want to know, I want to help. But I don't want to lose you as soon as your feet are under you again. You can't see someone break down without wondering what they're like unbroken. But as soon as you're mended, you don't need me anymore. Suddenly we don't have anything in common. I guess talking you out when you panicked and needed a friend even though I really didn't know you and really should've been sleeping doesn't count. Maybe I was wrong to expect any emotional investment on your part. Maybe you're just being cautious. Maybe you've learned your lesson about the words "just friends". Maybe you're scared of something, but if there was something to be scared of, I'd sense it a mile off. It's a talent of mine. If I'm not worried, there's nothing to be worried about.
Innocence
Which are you more ashamed of, your innocence, or your lack thereof? Nobody's perfectly innocent, nobody's perfectly corrupt. Which part would you get rid of if you could? Think hard, the answer might surprise you.
Fear
Ever stay up way too late one night because you know that the sooner you go to sleep, the sooner you'll have to wake up and face tomorrow? The funniest thing is that there's nothing particularly scary about the tomorrow in question, it's just a gut feeling.
The Mask
One more side with no shield, bare and unprotected. One more angle an attack could come from, one more mask that's been shattered irreparably. Baby steps. Sooner or later there'll only be one mask left. Can I shatter it? Will it be shattered for me? Your guess is as good as mine. What am I going to do once it happens? Again, I don't know. I've been told it's quite liberating, but it's something I can only do once. Something that is irreversible. Something I can't take back. I'll probably chicken out.
28 hours just keeps looking worse and worse. And at the expense of not only gangsters, but mickey mouse too. I hope it's worth it.
It's like a party in your soul!
Okay Gold, here's me humouring you.
*ahem* Filler:
The Ultimate Song Quiz
by GoldMatenes
Your Theme Song (because of style, lyrics,tone, etc.): Beautiful Day by U2
Best Song To Help You Sleep: Angel by Sarah McLachlan
Best Inspirational Song: Believe in You by Amanda Marshall
Best Song To Give You Hope: Fast Car by Tracy Chapman
Best Song To Be 'Our Song': Old Fashioned Love Song by Three Dog Night
Best Song To Impossibly Fight To: Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas
Best Song To Lose Your Virginity To: A Day Like Today by Bryan Adams
Best Song To Make You Sad (on purpose): Stole by Kelly Rowland
Best Song To Work Out To: My Sharona by The Knack
Best Silly Song: Your Horoscope for Today by Weird Al Yankovic
If You Had A TV Show, The Theme Song Would Be: Jim's Theme by John Rzeznik
Song That Makes You Hate Mankind: Why? by Tracy Chapman
Song That Makes You Wish You Could Fly: Takeoffs and Landings by The Ataris
Song That Makes You Want To Fight Hordes Of Bad Guys Single-handedly: Smackwater Jack by Carole King
Song That Makes You Want To Do A Backflip: One Girl Revolution by Superchick
Song That Really Makes You Wish You Could Dance: Hips Don't Lie by Shakira
Song In Your Head Now: Moneymaker by Ludacris
Warning, these are subject to change at any given moment, as my preferences and moods change.
Keep dreaming
Daydream Believer
I'm always here for you, you know that. But it's okay to tell me when things are going right too. I don't mind helping you try to fix things, in fact, I like it. That's not the problem. I'm not asking you to stop telling me when your world's falling apart, I want to know, I want to help. But I don't want to lose you as soon as your feet are under you again. You can't see someone break down without wondering what they're like unbroken. But as soon as you're mended, you don't need me anymore. Suddenly we don't have anything in common. I guess talking you out when you panicked and needed a friend even though I really didn't know you and really should've been sleeping doesn't count. Maybe I was wrong to expect any emotional investment on your part. Maybe you're just being cautious. Maybe you've learned your lesson about the words "just friends". Maybe you're scared of something, but if there was something to be scared of, I'd sense it a mile off. It's a talent of mine. If I'm not worried, there's nothing to be worried about.
Innocence
Which are you more ashamed of, your innocence, or your lack thereof? Nobody's perfectly innocent, nobody's perfectly corrupt. Which part would you get rid of if you could? Think hard, the answer might surprise you.
Fear
Ever stay up way too late one night because you know that the sooner you go to sleep, the sooner you'll have to wake up and face tomorrow? The funniest thing is that there's nothing particularly scary about the tomorrow in question, it's just a gut feeling.
The Mask
One more side with no shield, bare and unprotected. One more angle an attack could come from, one more mask that's been shattered irreparably. Baby steps. Sooner or later there'll only be one mask left. Can I shatter it? Will it be shattered for me? Your guess is as good as mine. What am I going to do once it happens? Again, I don't know. I've been told it's quite liberating, but it's something I can only do once. Something that is irreversible. Something I can't take back. I'll probably chicken out.
28 hours just keeps looking worse and worse. And at the expense of not only gangsters, but mickey mouse too. I hope it's worth it.
It's like a party in your soul!
Okay Gold, here's me humouring you.
*ahem* Filler:
The Ultimate Song Quiz
by GoldMatenes
Your Theme Song (because of style, lyrics,tone, etc.): Beautiful Day by U2
Best Song To Help You Sleep: Angel by Sarah McLachlan
Best Inspirational Song: Believe in You by Amanda Marshall
Best Song To Give You Hope: Fast Car by Tracy Chapman
Best Song To Be 'Our Song': Old Fashioned Love Song by Three Dog Night
Best Song To Impossibly Fight To: Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas
Best Song To Lose Your Virginity To: A Day Like Today by Bryan Adams
Best Song To Make You Sad (on purpose): Stole by Kelly Rowland
Best Song To Work Out To: My Sharona by The Knack
Best Silly Song: Your Horoscope for Today by Weird Al Yankovic
If You Had A TV Show, The Theme Song Would Be: Jim's Theme by John Rzeznik
Song That Makes You Hate Mankind: Why? by Tracy Chapman
Song That Makes You Wish You Could Fly: Takeoffs and Landings by The Ataris
Song That Makes You Want To Fight Hordes Of Bad Guys Single-handedly: Smackwater Jack by Carole King
Song That Makes You Want To Do A Backflip: One Girl Revolution by Superchick
Song That Really Makes You Wish You Could Dance: Hips Don't Lie by Shakira
Song In Your Head Now: Moneymaker by Ludacris
Warning, these are subject to change at any given moment, as my preferences and moods change.
Keep dreaming
Daydream Believer
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Apologies and Thanks
First off, something old while I collect my thoughts:
Take it. Jump. Leap. Take the risk, take that leap of faith. Jump without looking down first.
You might end up hitting rock bottom, bruised and broken, but you'll be alive, and you won't have a prayer of denying it. No day but today. You'll never feel alive until you die a little bit. You'll never love until you've had your heart broken.
Every single day is an opportunity for you to say, "This is who I am, this is what I need. and goddammit, I'm going to go get it." Sometimes you just hgave to grab happiness by the balls and take it. Just have a little faith.
Alright, here goes nothing.
Loud, thank you. I know Gold means well, but sometimes I need to be reminded. I'm sorry I brought you into this. You said Gold sought others who can accept the distance, and you don't seem sure what I do about it. But you've both made a very grave mistake. I come off as distanced, and it's because I've been pushed to arms length before. Better to be pulled close than pushed away. I think you're right. I needed to hear what he said. I need to be kept on my toes, and I need to hear things I don't like the sound of.
Gold, I've never told you what I've never told you because I got the distinct impression that you didn't give a rat's ass. Something about hearing the exact same answer every time you ask person how they are or what's new for weeks on end gives you that impression. I didn't want to waste your time, and that's not something I normally care about. You never asked me what my favourite colour was, or about my family, at least not that I can remember. I would have told you. I will, if you want to know. All you have to do is ask. I didn't like it, but I'm glad you told me what you really think.
I don't expect of others anything I wouldn't give, anything I don't give. A genuine "How are you?" with the expectation that I'll say something other than "Fine", would be more than sufficient. That would be enough, all I need is a tiny indication that I'm more than another passing face on the street, and then I will be.
I know I've changed. The idea that I'm still the same person as I was four years ago, that someone thinks I'm still the same person as I was four years ago, well, it stings a little. Quite frankly, because I'm not a big fan of that four years ago me. She's not my favourite person in the world, and I'd rather not have people seeing her in me now. There are two different models of identity, a ball covered in wax, every change, every experience, every decision a drop of wax, adding and changing the shape, and a block of stone, boulders and slivers chipped away piece by piece until all that's left is the person, no changes left to make. I like to think it's really a combination of the two. Add a piece of wax, chip a bit off.
Gold and Loud, you already see more of me than the world at large, because you can see two of many facets, which is one more than most can, more than most ever will, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Alright, I'm a little burned out after all that.
Daydream Believer
Take it. Jump. Leap. Take the risk, take that leap of faith. Jump without looking down first.
You might end up hitting rock bottom, bruised and broken, but you'll be alive, and you won't have a prayer of denying it. No day but today. You'll never feel alive until you die a little bit. You'll never love until you've had your heart broken.
Every single day is an opportunity for you to say, "This is who I am, this is what I need. and goddammit, I'm going to go get it." Sometimes you just hgave to grab happiness by the balls and take it. Just have a little faith.
Alright, here goes nothing.
Loud, thank you. I know Gold means well, but sometimes I need to be reminded. I'm sorry I brought you into this. You said Gold sought others who can accept the distance, and you don't seem sure what I do about it. But you've both made a very grave mistake. I come off as distanced, and it's because I've been pushed to arms length before. Better to be pulled close than pushed away. I think you're right. I needed to hear what he said. I need to be kept on my toes, and I need to hear things I don't like the sound of.
Gold, I've never told you what I've never told you because I got the distinct impression that you didn't give a rat's ass. Something about hearing the exact same answer every time you ask person how they are or what's new for weeks on end gives you that impression. I didn't want to waste your time, and that's not something I normally care about. You never asked me what my favourite colour was, or about my family, at least not that I can remember. I would have told you. I will, if you want to know. All you have to do is ask. I didn't like it, but I'm glad you told me what you really think.
I don't expect of others anything I wouldn't give, anything I don't give. A genuine "How are you?" with the expectation that I'll say something other than "Fine", would be more than sufficient. That would be enough, all I need is a tiny indication that I'm more than another passing face on the street, and then I will be.
I know I've changed. The idea that I'm still the same person as I was four years ago, that someone thinks I'm still the same person as I was four years ago, well, it stings a little. Quite frankly, because I'm not a big fan of that four years ago me. She's not my favourite person in the world, and I'd rather not have people seeing her in me now. There are two different models of identity, a ball covered in wax, every change, every experience, every decision a drop of wax, adding and changing the shape, and a block of stone, boulders and slivers chipped away piece by piece until all that's left is the person, no changes left to make. I like to think it's really a combination of the two. Add a piece of wax, chip a bit off.
Gold and Loud, you already see more of me than the world at large, because you can see two of many facets, which is one more than most can, more than most ever will, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Alright, I'm a little burned out after all that.
The cracks and faults in a heart of glass are what make it more beautiful than when it began.
I don't know who said this, but it makes a lot of sense to me. Nobody's perfect, everybody's broken in some way or another. There's no cure for a broken heart, only a hot mug of tea, a firmly held belief that things will change again, and a prayer that it'll be soon.
Ask me about the value of a cathartic letter.
The request caught me totally by surprise. I looked at him, unsure how to react. He was looking at the road, even though we were parked. Why was he avoiding my eyes? What did he expect me to say? Something true, but what?
"Um... The sky is blue?" I said tentatively. He looked at me with an expression that said in no uncertain terms, 'You have got to be kidding me.'
"That's not what I meant. Something secret. Something no one else knows."
"Uh-oh. He wanted to know about him. My best friend. Who he was jealous of because I tell him things I can't tell him. He doesn't understand a friendship like that. He's not trying to be posessive, he's just never had that kind of relationship. And for that, I pity him. He doesn't understand I can't just choose one or the other. My friend or my lover. If the friend was a woman, he wouldn't care. He wouldn't be so upset right now. He doesn't understand that I need my friends, I care about him so much, I've known him forever. But that doesn't im any less because of it. Something true. Something he needs to understand. I don't want him like that. He's my friend. That's what I need and want from him. If only I could get him to understand--
"I love you."
Well, that's all, folks...
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
William Shakespeare
Ask me about the value of a cathartic letter.
***A Little Piece of the Past***
This piece of the past isn't all that old. A month, tops. Something I wrote down figuring nobody'd ever see it. I changed my mind.Something True
"Tell me something true."The request caught me totally by surprise. I looked at him, unsure how to react. He was looking at the road, even though we were parked. Why was he avoiding my eyes? What did he expect me to say? Something true, but what?
"Um... The sky is blue?" I said tentatively. He looked at me with an expression that said in no uncertain terms, 'You have got to be kidding me.'
"That's not what I meant. Something secret. Something no one else knows."
"Uh-oh. He wanted to know about him. My best friend. Who he was jealous of because I tell him things I can't tell him. He doesn't understand a friendship like that. He's not trying to be posessive, he's just never had that kind of relationship. And for that, I pity him. He doesn't understand I can't just choose one or the other. My friend or my lover. If the friend was a woman, he wouldn't care. He wouldn't be so upset right now. He doesn't understand that I need my friends, I care about him so much, I've known him forever. But that doesn't im any less because of it. Something true. Something he needs to understand. I don't want him like that. He's my friend. That's what I need and want from him. If only I could get him to understand--
"I love you."
Well, that's all, folks...
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
William Shakespeare
Daydream Believer
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Remember if you can
Remember when you said you'd never leave?
So I had to.
Remember when you said you'd never change?
You did.
Remember when I told you not to promise me anything, because I knew you couldn't follow through?
Did that stop you?
Was I wrong?
Remember when you said I wasn't paying enough attention?
So I walked away.
Remember when you said I let you down?
Did I, really? Wasn't it the other way around?
Why wasn't I worth it?
Do you remember?
It looks like my throne has been usurped. Well... it's not really a throne, and it wasn't really usurped, but that sounds much more exciting than I lost my seat. Those 28 hours just started to look a lot less appealing. This was all supposed to happen last year. Bloody hell. I'm still looking forward to it, but I can sense from here that it just won't be the same. So much for finding a niche.
If there was a fire burning, and now there isn't, that would indicate change, wouldn't it? I don't think I'm the same as I was four years ago. The key words: "As far as I can tell". How far can you tell if you didn't know me then, and probably don't know me now either? I don't blame you. I won't say you're not right on some counts, but I never said I wasn't being impatient or selfish. It is selfish to want someone to see the bigger picture, but that won't stop me from wanting it, now or later. You say I haven't changed in four years, and you're proving my point. You wouldn't know, because most of my changes aren't immediately evident, and you never asked.
So I had to.
Remember when you said you'd never change?
You did.
Remember when I told you not to promise me anything, because I knew you couldn't follow through?
Did that stop you?
Was I wrong?
Remember when you said I wasn't paying enough attention?
So I walked away.
Remember when you said I let you down?
Did I, really? Wasn't it the other way around?
Why wasn't I worth it?
Do you remember?
It looks like my throne has been usurped. Well... it's not really a throne, and it wasn't really usurped, but that sounds much more exciting than I lost my seat. Those 28 hours just started to look a lot less appealing. This was all supposed to happen last year. Bloody hell. I'm still looking forward to it, but I can sense from here that it just won't be the same. So much for finding a niche.
If there was a fire burning, and now there isn't, that would indicate change, wouldn't it? I don't think I'm the same as I was four years ago. The key words: "As far as I can tell". How far can you tell if you didn't know me then, and probably don't know me now either? I don't blame you. I won't say you're not right on some counts, but I never said I wasn't being impatient or selfish. It is selfish to want someone to see the bigger picture, but that won't stop me from wanting it, now or later. You say I haven't changed in four years, and you're proving my point. You wouldn't know, because most of my changes aren't immediately evident, and you never asked.
Was that supposed to make me feel better or worse, Gold?
Anyways, 400 in 3 is always a good way to finish off the day. Face red, heart racing, limbs going numb. Really makes the world disappear.
Anyways, 400 in 3 is always a good way to finish off the day. Face red, heart racing, limbs going numb. Really makes the world disappear.
Pain is just weakness leaving the body.
Something to dream about.
Daydream Believer
Something to dream about.
Daydream Believer
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Baldfaced Lies
"Emotions aren't good or bad, they just are."
Did anyone else get told this as a child? In any case, it's a baldfaced lie.
I feel like a coldhearted bitch. I don't quite understand what it is I'm feeling right now. No, wait, that's a lie too. I understand just what it is, what I don't understand is why it's rearing its ugly head right now. Why is this bugging me so much? Your guess is as good as mine. They're happy now, and God knows the deserve it. It's not that I want someone to be miserable... I hope. It's just a change, and although I thrive on change, I still have to get used to it. It'll blow over. I hope. Never think about what might have been.
One step forward, two steps back. Just tell me what you want from me.
7+2 until freedom.
I don't know where I'm going to go, but I'm going no matter what anyone says. I'm going to get there. I just don't know where there is yet.
17 till 17
I should be happy. The universe is working itself out in a not-too-shabby way for once. So how come I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop? Because I'm a hopeless cynic, that's why, and that's what's going to continue to deprive me of happiness for a long time.
It occured to me recently just how few people I'm really close to. I don't know if I'm keeping them at arm's length on purpose, or if that's just how the world is working out. The ones who've seen me at my worst, well, a rather indiscriminate bunch, I suppose I spend a lot of time at my worst. The ones who've seen me at my best? Few and far between. When I'm at my best, I am generally alone. People I could tell anything to? Nobody. People who I could hear anything from? Nobody, because everybody's got their confidante. The one person who knows everything. And so help the person who tries to work their way into the inner circle. As a result? The people I tell almost everything and anything to are again a rather indiscriminate bunch. But could I pick any one of them and tell them the rest of the story? No way. It's give and take. Maybe I don't give enough to take the share I have.
Sleep well.
Daydream Believer
One step forward, two steps back. Just tell me what you want from me.
7+2 until freedom.
I don't know where I'm going to go, but I'm going no matter what anyone says. I'm going to get there. I just don't know where there is yet.
17 till 17
I should be happy. The universe is working itself out in a not-too-shabby way for once. So how come I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop? Because I'm a hopeless cynic, that's why, and that's what's going to continue to deprive me of happiness for a long time.
It occured to me recently just how few people I'm really close to. I don't know if I'm keeping them at arm's length on purpose, or if that's just how the world is working out. The ones who've seen me at my worst, well, a rather indiscriminate bunch, I suppose I spend a lot of time at my worst. The ones who've seen me at my best? Few and far between. When I'm at my best, I am generally alone. People I could tell anything to? Nobody. People who I could hear anything from? Nobody, because everybody's got their confidante. The one person who knows everything. And so help the person who tries to work their way into the inner circle. As a result? The people I tell almost everything and anything to are again a rather indiscriminate bunch. But could I pick any one of them and tell them the rest of the story? No way. It's give and take. Maybe I don't give enough to take the share I have.
Beauty-- Shaye
So you've come to this bridge
In an unfamiliar land
You know it's a bridge you are going to walk on
And the only thing you know is
Everything you know
Will do you no good from here on
And the day that you spin
From your little cocoon
Well, you can't be prepared
For the beauty you'll find there
And you will find beauty
In the toughest of places
And I will be thinking of you out there
So pick up your bags
Look around at your friends
And you know none of them
Would ever have enough strength
To cross the bridge and lose control
I never felt this bold
Never felt this good
And the day that you spin
From your little cocoon
Well, you can't be prepared
For the beauty you'll find there
And you will find beauty
In the toughest of places
And I will be thinking of you
Stay true to your nomad skies
Keep your eyes out for coyote
A thousand secrets are lost
In the archival dust
So lay your ears upon the tracks
One day you will come back
With wrinkled hands and grey hair
And there you will stand on the spot
And you'll marvel how the place is still the same
Though you are somebody else now
Fly on butterfly
And the day that you spin
From your little cocoon
Well, you can't be prepared
For the beauty you'll find there
And you will find beauty
In the toughest of places
And I will be thinking of you out there
So you've come to this bridge
In an unfamiliar land
You know it's a bridge you are going to walk on
And the only thing you know is
Everything you know
Will do you no good from here on
And the day that you spin
From your little cocoon
Well, you can't be prepared
For the beauty you'll find there
And you will find beauty
In the toughest of places
And I will be thinking of you out there
So pick up your bags
Look around at your friends
And you know none of them
Would ever have enough strength
To cross the bridge and lose control
I never felt this bold
Never felt this good
And the day that you spin
From your little cocoon
Well, you can't be prepared
For the beauty you'll find there
And you will find beauty
In the toughest of places
And I will be thinking of you
Stay true to your nomad skies
Keep your eyes out for coyote
A thousand secrets are lost
In the archival dust
So lay your ears upon the tracks
One day you will come back
With wrinkled hands and grey hair
And there you will stand on the spot
And you'll marvel how the place is still the same
Though you are somebody else now
Fly on butterfly
And the day that you spin
From your little cocoon
Well, you can't be prepared
For the beauty you'll find there
And you will find beauty
In the toughest of places
And I will be thinking of you out there
Sleep well.
Daydream Believer
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Who's The King of The Castle?
I spoke to him today. At an ungodly hour of morning when I really should've been asleep. That's what's more convenient for him. He reminded me to be a big help, and asked me if I was in shape. He didn't ask about CR, or JB, and I'm sure he was hoping SS had just disappeared like the last one. He didn't ask me how I was in terms of whether I minded that he's never around. I don't. He asked me in terms of whether I was continuing to do my job. Daydream believer the sponge. He asked me if my work is going well, and if my sports team was winning. I didn't bother to tell him that the captain doesn't seem to like me very much, or that the coaches are massive hypocrites. He would've told me I was blowing it out of proportion. At least I have a little peace of mind for now, knowing that when he's on the other side of the world, I could just hang up on him and that would be that. I never will, of course. That would be too much like him for his own good. He'd never be able to take it. Some days are better than others, but the ones where he's here are always worse than the ones where he isn't. Does that make me a terrible person? If he wants to play king of the castle, he should visit the castle occasionally, don't you think?
Eight hours and it's almost done. Happiness.
7+2 months and counting.
I'm of two minds. One which, sliding down the great toboggan hill of life, wants to dig its heels in like there's no mañana. The other which wants to pick up its feet and glide.
The good old BS problem.
Ever have a really close friend you just start to lose touch with, for whatever reason? Then, out of nowhere, you run into them again. A year and a half later, while you've been trying so hard to get a hold of them. And of course by then, it's too late. What might have been. I hate those words with a flaming passion. Mostly because they get me every time.
Eight hours and it's almost done. Happiness.
7+2 months and counting.
I'm of two minds. One which, sliding down the great toboggan hill of life, wants to dig its heels in like there's no mañana. The other which wants to pick up its feet and glide.
The good old BS problem.
Ever have a really close friend you just start to lose touch with, for whatever reason? Then, out of nowhere, you run into them again. A year and a half later, while you've been trying so hard to get a hold of them. And of course by then, it's too late. What might have been. I hate those words with a flaming passion. Mostly because they get me every time.
It's not going to happen again.
Nothing like a good fume to get the toxins out. I need to purge from time to time. Clear out the dust bunnies, leave everything feeling renewed. Full of promise. Now there's a dream worth dreaming.
Daydream Believer
Nothing like a good fume to get the toxins out. I need to purge from time to time. Clear out the dust bunnies, leave everything feeling renewed. Full of promise. Now there's a dream worth dreaming.
Daydream Believer
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Monday Monday
I hate Mondays as a general rule... but the last two have been half-decent. Thursdays however, not really working out for me.
Hurray for song lyrics
Monday Monday
Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.
Monday Monday, can't trust that day,
Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be
Oh Monday Monday, how yould cou leave and not take me.
Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time
Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.
Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time
Monday Monday, ...
Anyways, found some quiz links on a friends blog, figured what the hell.
That's all I've got the energy for just now.
Keep Dreaming
Daydream Believer
Hurray for song lyrics
Monday Monday
Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.
Monday Monday, can't trust that day,
Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be
Oh Monday Monday, how yould cou leave and not take me.
Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time
Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.
Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time
Monday Monday, ...
Anyways, found some quiz links on a friends blog, figured what the hell.
| You Are 50% Weird |
 Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it! |
| Your Personality Profile |
 You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming! |
That's all I've got the energy for just now.
Keep Dreaming
Daydream Believer
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Purge
Long story short, today was not a good day. A little bloodshed never killed anyone... I'm a bit disappointed. After an absence of three weeks, I usually get more of a reprieve from the general "Why can't you be more like her?" vibe. Oh well, maybe he's just making up for lost time. 10 months till freedom. Hopefully.
At this rate, I'll be in wicked shape in a month. I can't say that that idea doesn't bring me immense pleasure. But right now I'm just sore. Oh well, pain, gain, you know the drill.
Three different ways to get out of the house tonight, and you think any of them worked? Of course not. It's just one of those days, isn't it.
Why do I have these days when life is so good in the grand scheme of things? On top of everything else, I feel guilty for not being happier. That's only mildly ironic...
How come I'm surrounded by heartbreaks I can't stop? Why can't I make them stop hurting? Or keep them from hurting in the first place?
Anyways, that's a problem for another day, as always.
Keep Dreaming
Daydream Believer
At this rate, I'll be in wicked shape in a month. I can't say that that idea doesn't bring me immense pleasure. But right now I'm just sore. Oh well, pain, gain, you know the drill.
Three different ways to get out of the house tonight, and you think any of them worked? Of course not. It's just one of those days, isn't it.
Why do I have these days when life is so good in the grand scheme of things? On top of everything else, I feel guilty for not being happier. That's only mildly ironic...
How come I'm surrounded by heartbreaks I can't stop? Why can't I make them stop hurting? Or keep them from hurting in the first place?
Anyways, that's a problem for another day, as always.
Keep Dreaming
Daydream Believer
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Theatre... Not So Much My Bag Anymore
There's something to be said for not needing to be rescued.
Locked up in a tower of your own device, sitting there staring at the key, willing it to disappear, because that's just how it should be. Then you realize how silly you're being. The tower has quite sturdy stairs, and the key's sitting right there in front of you. And while it's very romantic to sit there wiating for the white knight, who has that kind of time anymore? Really. The tower wasn't that bad anyways. All you had to do was say, this isn't my prison.
There's something to be said for not needing to be rescued, even for not having to rescue yourself.
Lately I've had this tendency to get all sentimental and mushy. Anyone who's reading this who knows who I am probably also knows why. To all of you, let me say with utmost sincerity, I'm sorry if you wanted to smack me upside the head at any point within the last month. Everyone needs to be silly and frivolous sometimes. It's therapeutic. Not to worry, I should be back to my usual bitter, cynical self in no time.
So, not too much has been happening. I've been neglecting sleep and my studies in the interests of... well, being giddy and silly and totally out of character. But it's been fun... and caffeinated.
If you're puzzled as to the title, well, don't worry, the rant will come. Long story short, the two things I have been planning/aspiring to for the better part of four years are in direct conflict with one another... so pretty much I have to pick one. I'm not a happy camper.
So I suppose that's everything for today.
Never settle down until you've had a chance to unsettle.
Keep dreaming.
Daydream Believer
Locked up in a tower of your own device, sitting there staring at the key, willing it to disappear, because that's just how it should be. Then you realize how silly you're being. The tower has quite sturdy stairs, and the key's sitting right there in front of you. And while it's very romantic to sit there wiating for the white knight, who has that kind of time anymore? Really. The tower wasn't that bad anyways. All you had to do was say, this isn't my prison.
There's something to be said for not needing to be rescued, even for not having to rescue yourself.
Lately I've had this tendency to get all sentimental and mushy. Anyone who's reading this who knows who I am probably also knows why. To all of you, let me say with utmost sincerity, I'm sorry if you wanted to smack me upside the head at any point within the last month. Everyone needs to be silly and frivolous sometimes. It's therapeutic. Not to worry, I should be back to my usual bitter, cynical self in no time.
So, not too much has been happening. I've been neglecting sleep and my studies in the interests of... well, being giddy and silly and totally out of character. But it's been fun... and caffeinated.
If you're puzzled as to the title, well, don't worry, the rant will come. Long story short, the two things I have been planning/aspiring to for the better part of four years are in direct conflict with one another... so pretty much I have to pick one. I'm not a happy camper.
So I suppose that's everything for today.
Never settle down until you've had a chance to unsettle.
Keep dreaming.
Daydream Believer
Friday, October 06, 2006
Theatre Is My Bag
Empathy bites. I know I shouldn't feel so rotten about this, but I do. He doesn't deserve to be treated like that, no one does. So how come he seems so happy, and I feel so lousy?
I should've known that nothing can ever work out the way I want it to. Here memory ends, and imagination begins. I shouldn't have acted that way, and I got my just desserts for it, I guess.
Self-reminder, ask about the concert.
What a pretty place. I can hardly believe it's over, for good.
Ever have one of those days where even though everything is as wonderfully perfect as it can possibly be expected or hoped to be, you still have this unfortunate sinking feeling that life sucks?
Everyone has secrets, so how come mine never stay that way?
Anyways, back to the daily grind,
Daydream Believer
I should've known that nothing can ever work out the way I want it to. Here memory ends, and imagination begins. I shouldn't have acted that way, and I got my just desserts for it, I guess.
Self-reminder, ask about the concert.
What a pretty place. I can hardly believe it's over, for good.
Ever have one of those days where even though everything is as wonderfully perfect as it can possibly be expected or hoped to be, you still have this unfortunate sinking feeling that life sucks?
Everyone has secrets, so how come mine never stay that way?
Anyways, back to the daily grind,
Daydream Believer
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Impressions
You singled me out. Not in such a mean way, just an observation. A reassurance. Everyone has to start somewhere. They talk big, but it wasn't so long ago that they were worse off than you. It was probably a load of crap, but it made me feel better. I never got a chance to tell you that, I got moved.
At least they had a reason for their snide comments with me, I'm not ashamed to admit I wasn't any good... I'm still not, if you want to split hairs. Your only crime was sticking up for the little guy. Even so, when it came time for me to return your favour, I couldn't. I couldn't look them in the eye and say that they couldn't do any better, I could scream it at the concrete walls and fibreglass windows, but as soon as they were there, silence. Maybe if I'd been able to muster that last little bit of courage, I could have changed their minds, made them see. But I couldn't. I failed, tripped over my own blades, face first into the floor. I never was as good as you.
I don't know which line it is, but I know it's been drawn in indelible ink. It's part of my definition now, part of my portrait. I didn't want it there, but now I can't escape it. It might be the curve of the figure, or an eyelash. If you look at a picture, you see both, and both influence your impression of it, your impression of me. The look on your face gives you away, and influences my impression of you.
Daydream Believer
At least they had a reason for their snide comments with me, I'm not ashamed to admit I wasn't any good... I'm still not, if you want to split hairs. Your only crime was sticking up for the little guy. Even so, when it came time for me to return your favour, I couldn't. I couldn't look them in the eye and say that they couldn't do any better, I could scream it at the concrete walls and fibreglass windows, but as soon as they were there, silence. Maybe if I'd been able to muster that last little bit of courage, I could have changed their minds, made them see. But I couldn't. I failed, tripped over my own blades, face first into the floor. I never was as good as you.
I don't know which line it is, but I know it's been drawn in indelible ink. It's part of my definition now, part of my portrait. I didn't want it there, but now I can't escape it. It might be the curve of the figure, or an eyelash. If you look at a picture, you see both, and both influence your impression of it, your impression of me. The look on your face gives you away, and influences my impression of you.
Daydream Believer
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Ignorance
Eureka! I finally figured it out. Who hasn't had a moment like that? Where you're almost ashamed that you couldn't figure it out sooner. In my case, well, I really should've known before. I kind of did know, I just couldn't put a name on it. Now I can.
Someone very famous once said "Ignorance is bliss." Even if they were only famous because they were the one who said it. I think it's a crock of bull. Ignorance is ignorance, and there's nothing blissful about it. It's agonizing. What you don't know tends to torment you until you do know it.
You know what? It's ok. I was starting to get worried that it was something scary, disgusting, or disturbing, the way you were talking about it. But it's not, it's just... a thing. And I don't care. It doesn't make any difference. None at all.
If parts of the preceding rant don't make any sense to you, that's just fine and dandy, you weren't supposed to understand them. It's just me thinking out loud, into a keyboard.
As always, song lyrics. Ta-daaaah, the inspiration for my name. Daydream Believer by the Monkees.
Oh, I could hide neath the wings
Of the bluebird as she sings.
The six oclock alarm would never ring.
But it rings and I rise,
Wipe the sleep out of my eyes.
My shavin razors cold and it stings.
Cheer up, sleepy jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.
You once thought of me
As a white knight on a steed.
Now you know how happy I can be.
Oh, and our good times starts and end
Without dollar one to spend.
But how much, baby, do we really need.
Cheer up, sleepy jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.
Cheer up, sleepy jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.
Cheer up, sleepy jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.
You know those songs that you physically can't not sing when you hear them? Maybe I'm the only one who has such compulsions, and that may well be a good thing, a lot of people I know are bothered by the sound of someone singing. In any case, Daydream Believer isn't one of those songs for me, it just has nice lyrics. Personally, for singing/screaming at the top of my lungs while engaged in some perfectly benign activity like cooking or washing dishes, I'm partial to broadway soundtracks. If you walk by my house around dinenrtime, don't be surprised to smell dishsoap, and hear my voice over a recording, "They had it coming, they had it coming, they only had themselves to blame...".
Today's random question, what makes a person a person?
Keep Dreaming,
Daydream Believer.
Someone very famous once said "Ignorance is bliss." Even if they were only famous because they were the one who said it. I think it's a crock of bull. Ignorance is ignorance, and there's nothing blissful about it. It's agonizing. What you don't know tends to torment you until you do know it.
You know what? It's ok. I was starting to get worried that it was something scary, disgusting, or disturbing, the way you were talking about it. But it's not, it's just... a thing. And I don't care. It doesn't make any difference. None at all.
If parts of the preceding rant don't make any sense to you, that's just fine and dandy, you weren't supposed to understand them. It's just me thinking out loud, into a keyboard.
As always, song lyrics. Ta-daaaah, the inspiration for my name. Daydream Believer by the Monkees.
Oh, I could hide neath the wings
Of the bluebird as she sings.
The six oclock alarm would never ring.
But it rings and I rise,
Wipe the sleep out of my eyes.
My shavin razors cold and it stings.
Cheer up, sleepy jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.
You once thought of me
As a white knight on a steed.
Now you know how happy I can be.
Oh, and our good times starts and end
Without dollar one to spend.
But how much, baby, do we really need.
Cheer up, sleepy jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.
Cheer up, sleepy jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.
Cheer up, sleepy jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.
You know those songs that you physically can't not sing when you hear them? Maybe I'm the only one who has such compulsions, and that may well be a good thing, a lot of people I know are bothered by the sound of someone singing. In any case, Daydream Believer isn't one of those songs for me, it just has nice lyrics. Personally, for singing/screaming at the top of my lungs while engaged in some perfectly benign activity like cooking or washing dishes, I'm partial to broadway soundtracks. If you walk by my house around dinenrtime, don't be surprised to smell dishsoap, and hear my voice over a recording, "They had it coming, they had it coming, they only had themselves to blame...".
Today's random question, what makes a person a person?
Keep Dreaming,
Daydream Believer.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Home
Well, I'm back from someplace with a warmer climate where everyone speaks a language I don't understand. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see the familiar skyline I saw from the airplane window. It's always interesting to remember who from home I thought about while I was away. The list almost always surprises me. What didn't suprise me was the collection of bizarre dreams I had, both while I was away and when I got back. I have strange dreams when I travel, c'est la vie. I can't remember any of them just now though.
Interesting idea, determining exactly what's going on in one's psyche by their selection of colours. It's somewhat accurate.
Gotta have song lyrics. This is one of my favourite songs, Fallen by Sarah McLachlan.
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.
I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Keep dreaming.
Daydream Believer
Interesting idea, determining exactly what's going on in one's psyche by their selection of colours. It's somewhat accurate.
 | Daydream+Believer took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Seeks affectionate, satisfying and harmonious rela..."
|
Gotta have song lyrics. This is one of my favourite songs, Fallen by Sarah McLachlan.
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.
I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Keep dreaming.
Daydream Believer
Monday, June 12, 2006
Swords Crossed
Today, I was alerted to the existence of an entity I had not previously considered real. The good problem. On the off chance you're reading this, you're probably thinking, what in the name of all that is good and holy is this person talking about? He, she, it, or they are off their rocker! While this may be true, the fact that I have been converted to belief in the good problem has nothing to do with it. A good problem is like a crossword puzzle or a sudoku, if you work it out, you have a sense of accomplishment, but if you don't, all you really lose is the sense of accomplishment, and possibly the time you spent trying to figure it out before giving up the ghost. The example given was the one used in the plotline of so many romantic stories either in writing, on the stage or on the silver screen. Boy meets girl. Does boy like girl, or is he just being friendly? For that matter, does girl like boy? You can probably guess where this is going, but think about it, either way, they win. Either they've found a friend, or a love interest. It's nothing to lose sleep over, although it can be fun to drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. I expect that's where 1 hour TV Dramas came from. In any case, that got me thinking about how many of the good problems in my life I've treated like bad problems, and therefore made bad problems. There have been a few of them, and I suspect I'd be a different person today than I am had I recognized good problems and treated them accordingly.
Lately I've been thinking about my favourite mistake a lot, and I'm not talking about the Sheryl Crow song, although I quite like it. I'm sure everyone's heard the broken-record speech about how life's about choices, and how there aren't any wrong ones, just the ones we make. See, they say that, but they'll never admit it after you've made the choice and it's not the one they wanted you to make. But that is a rant for another day. In any case, my favourite mistake is part a person I used to know, and part a mental insecurity I couldn't overcome. Anyways, I've been thinking about the situation a lot lately, and I'm not quite sure why. However, I do know, beyond a shaow of a doubt that if I had acted in a way that would have avoided making the situation a mistake, the person involved would relate to me differently now than they do presently. I try to avoid making regrets for myself, but this is one of the big ones. Mainly because this was at one point, the mother of all the good problems, but I treated it like the mother of all bad problems, and so here I am. Lately I've tried to talk to the person I used to know, and they've changed, or I have, or we both have. Granted, it's been a year and a half since we've looked each other in the face. Even so, I used to think we'd have the kind of friendship where we could just pick it up again after that long, or longer. I guess I was mistaken. It is my favourite mistake after all.
Keep dreaming
Daydream Believer
Lately I've been thinking about my favourite mistake a lot, and I'm not talking about the Sheryl Crow song, although I quite like it. I'm sure everyone's heard the broken-record speech about how life's about choices, and how there aren't any wrong ones, just the ones we make. See, they say that, but they'll never admit it after you've made the choice and it's not the one they wanted you to make. But that is a rant for another day. In any case, my favourite mistake is part a person I used to know, and part a mental insecurity I couldn't overcome. Anyways, I've been thinking about the situation a lot lately, and I'm not quite sure why. However, I do know, beyond a shaow of a doubt that if I had acted in a way that would have avoided making the situation a mistake, the person involved would relate to me differently now than they do presently. I try to avoid making regrets for myself, but this is one of the big ones. Mainly because this was at one point, the mother of all the good problems, but I treated it like the mother of all bad problems, and so here I am. Lately I've tried to talk to the person I used to know, and they've changed, or I have, or we both have. Granted, it's been a year and a half since we've looked each other in the face. Even so, I used to think we'd have the kind of friendship where we could just pick it up again after that long, or longer. I guess I was mistaken. It is my favourite mistake after all.
Keep dreaming
Daydream Believer
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Rainbows and Butterflies
Lately I've noticed that people are cowardly. They're quite happy to spout their opinion of you, unless of course it's to your face. Oh well, people will continue to be people. I've been thinking I should start writing again. Well, that's not to say that I've entirely stopped writing, but the flow of ideas in my head has kind of slowed to a trickle. I tend to get bored of ideas too easily. I'll get halfway through the second chapter of a novel that I'm writing, and get bored, decide the characters are too flat, or the plot's too intricate, or too simple, and come up with an excuse to stop. Lately I haven't written much. I say I'm too busy, I mean I haven't been inspired. I'm sure sometime soon I'll get another idea, and manage not to back myself into a corner on it. I'm still waiting on that one, though.
I finished The Pillars of The World, and Shadows and Light, the sequel. I'll start on the last book in the series in a few days. I want to be able to write like that, create a world people wish they could find the door to. A book is only a window. If you ever went to elementary school, you know that there was always a kid with a head full of ideas, who could create a paralell universe at the drop of a hat, that the rest of the kids could lose themselves in for a recess, or for a month. I wasn't that kid. My best friend was. I was the kid who would build off it. I'd come up with the minute details, often losing sight of the big picture, but once I had a framework, I created the realism through those details. We never wrote our games down. We just played, and when they got old, we'd come up with a new one. To this day, that's how I write, when the feeling dulls, I find a new one.
I have some more song lyrics, as usual. This sound's kinda funky, and the words make me think of how different people react to heartbreak. Some try to gloss it over, some wallow, and some decide, hey it was good while it was around, but since it isn't anymore, why stress? Nice way to live if you can manage it. Three Dog Night's Old Fashioned Love Song.
Just an old fashioned love song
Playing on the radio
And wrapped around the music
is the sound of someone promising they'll never go.
You'll swear you've heard it before
As it slowly rambles on and on.
No need in bringing em back
Cause they've never really gone.
Just an old fashioned love song
One I'm sure they wrote for you and me,
Just an old fashioned love song
Coming down in three part harmony.
To weave our dreams upon and
Listen to each evening when the lights are low.
To underscore our love affair
With tenderness and feeling
That we've come to know.
You'll swear you've heard it before
As it slowly rambles on and on.
No need in bringing em back
Cause they've never really gone.
Just an old fashioned love song
Coming down in three part harmony.
Just an old fashioned love song
One I'm sure they wrote for you and me.
So there it is, I sure like them, you don't have to, although I hope you do.
Keep dreaming,
Daydream Believer.
I finished The Pillars of The World, and Shadows and Light, the sequel. I'll start on the last book in the series in a few days. I want to be able to write like that, create a world people wish they could find the door to. A book is only a window. If you ever went to elementary school, you know that there was always a kid with a head full of ideas, who could create a paralell universe at the drop of a hat, that the rest of the kids could lose themselves in for a recess, or for a month. I wasn't that kid. My best friend was. I was the kid who would build off it. I'd come up with the minute details, often losing sight of the big picture, but once I had a framework, I created the realism through those details. We never wrote our games down. We just played, and when they got old, we'd come up with a new one. To this day, that's how I write, when the feeling dulls, I find a new one.
I have some more song lyrics, as usual. This sound's kinda funky, and the words make me think of how different people react to heartbreak. Some try to gloss it over, some wallow, and some decide, hey it was good while it was around, but since it isn't anymore, why stress? Nice way to live if you can manage it. Three Dog Night's Old Fashioned Love Song.
Just an old fashioned love song
Playing on the radio
And wrapped around the music
is the sound of someone promising they'll never go.
You'll swear you've heard it before
As it slowly rambles on and on.
No need in bringing em back
Cause they've never really gone.
Just an old fashioned love song
One I'm sure they wrote for you and me,
Just an old fashioned love song
Coming down in three part harmony.
To weave our dreams upon and
Listen to each evening when the lights are low.
To underscore our love affair
With tenderness and feeling
That we've come to know.
You'll swear you've heard it before
As it slowly rambles on and on.
No need in bringing em back
Cause they've never really gone.
Just an old fashioned love song
Coming down in three part harmony.
Just an old fashioned love song
One I'm sure they wrote for you and me.
So there it is, I sure like them, you don't have to, although I hope you do.
Keep dreaming,
Daydream Believer.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Love and Music
Well, I haven't got too much to say today. Just some lyrics from one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. Vincent by Don Mclean
Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul,
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land.
Now I understand,
What you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free,
They would not listen, they did not know how,
Perhaps they'll listen now.
Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of China blue.
Colors changing hue,
Morning fields of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.
Now I understand what you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how,
Perhaps they'll listen now.
For they could not love you,
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight on that starry starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do;
But I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.
Starry starry night,
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless heads on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.
Now I think I know what you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free,
They would not listen, they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will.
Ok, so maybe I lied about not having much to say. The vast majority of music out there is about love in one way or another. All different kinds of love, including every possible angle from which the blind archer can hit you, and every possible missile with which he can hit you. I think it's pretty amazing that we can experience such a spectrum of emotion that we've only worked out one way to describe, Love. It's a lot like music, except that we haven't figured out how to devide it yet. You've got jazz, reggae, country, hip hop, R&B, even within rock, you've got rock and roll, grunge, glam rock, pop rock, punk, metal, the list goes on. It's all music, but each one has a different distinct sound.
So I've got a challenge for anyone who happens to be reading this, reach outside your boundaries. Break the monotony. If you're a strictly country gal, try some jazz, hard rock purists, listen to rap, and I dare you to enjoy it. Same with love. Expand your horizons. There are as many ways to love as there are people to love, we just haven't seperated the smooth jazz from the punk rock yet.
Happy Daydreaming.
Daydream Believer
Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul,
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land.
Now I understand,
What you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free,
They would not listen, they did not know how,
Perhaps they'll listen now.
Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of China blue.
Colors changing hue,
Morning fields of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.
Now I understand what you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how,
Perhaps they'll listen now.
For they could not love you,
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight on that starry starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do;
But I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.
Starry starry night,
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless heads on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.
Now I think I know what you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free,
They would not listen, they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will.
Ok, so maybe I lied about not having much to say. The vast majority of music out there is about love in one way or another. All different kinds of love, including every possible angle from which the blind archer can hit you, and every possible missile with which he can hit you. I think it's pretty amazing that we can experience such a spectrum of emotion that we've only worked out one way to describe, Love. It's a lot like music, except that we haven't figured out how to devide it yet. You've got jazz, reggae, country, hip hop, R&B, even within rock, you've got rock and roll, grunge, glam rock, pop rock, punk, metal, the list goes on. It's all music, but each one has a different distinct sound.
So I've got a challenge for anyone who happens to be reading this, reach outside your boundaries. Break the monotony. If you're a strictly country gal, try some jazz, hard rock purists, listen to rap, and I dare you to enjoy it. Same with love. Expand your horizons. There are as many ways to love as there are people to love, we just haven't seperated the smooth jazz from the punk rock yet.
Happy Daydreaming.
Daydream Believer
Friday, May 19, 2006
Floating Over Nothing
Ever notice how people always tell you to just be yourself but they're never happy when you do. Even people who like you just as you are the way they say friends are supposed to don't. And can't, for that matter. Sometimes they don't really like you, this isn't always the case, more often it's that they don't know how you are when you're just the way you are. They may like the way they see you, but once you change the way they see you, they look at you differently. They have to, there isn't another choice.
Everyone has secrets, it's just a matter of who knows them, and when you decide to share them with the ones who don't know yet. Sometimes they're secrets because you're ashamed, or afraid of what might happen if they weren't secrets anymore, sometimes they've been pushed so far into the back of your mind, it just never occurs to you to tell anyone.
Changing gears, have you ever noticed that even though people fear the unknown, they also crave it? Why else did explorers sail, possibly to their deaths, from Europe to chart out a new world? Why else do fantasy and science fiction books and movies sell so well? The unknown is exciting. It offers us a place where we don't have to wonder where our next meal is coming from, or think about any of the mundane day-to-day routine that has lost its novelty. Although the unknown is frightening because we can't predict how it will react to us, and how we'll react to it, it allows us something that is hard to find in what you already know, something new. Something that can give you a new lease on life. If you get that chance, take it, new leases on a thing like life don't come around too often.
Changing gears again, but not so much, I've been reading this really phenomenal book, called Pillars of the World. There are a bunch of reasons why it's so phenomenal, one of which is that I didn't think it was going to be that good, but it sucked me right in anyways. Another reason is the intricate plotline. There are several different sub-plots going on, but they're woven together so well you don't have to work hard to keep the mseperate in your mind, also, although the connections are clear, they aren't made blatantly, with boisterous fanfare and a circus announcer screaming, "I'm an important plot point, remember me when you get into the next chapter!" Another thing I found interesting about the story is that since sex is an important aspect of the story, it is, after all a power struggle between ancient matriarchs and those who would usurp them, the text carefully toes the line between shying away from the actual sex and gratuitous overuse. Something I found interesting was the way that the society in the story approached sex in general. Granted, they aren't actually human, but their cultural mindset accepts the fact that sex can be pleasurable, and more importantly, it accepts that as a species, their nature is to be polygamous. Apparently some studies have recently come out suggesting that humans also by nature, are polygamous, and before civilization as we know it came about, likely did not mate for life. This could be poppycock, but if there's any truth to it, it would explain an awful lot.
Anyways, that's all I've got on my mind for now.
Daydream Believer
Everyone has secrets, it's just a matter of who knows them, and when you decide to share them with the ones who don't know yet. Sometimes they're secrets because you're ashamed, or afraid of what might happen if they weren't secrets anymore, sometimes they've been pushed so far into the back of your mind, it just never occurs to you to tell anyone.
Changing gears, have you ever noticed that even though people fear the unknown, they also crave it? Why else did explorers sail, possibly to their deaths, from Europe to chart out a new world? Why else do fantasy and science fiction books and movies sell so well? The unknown is exciting. It offers us a place where we don't have to wonder where our next meal is coming from, or think about any of the mundane day-to-day routine that has lost its novelty. Although the unknown is frightening because we can't predict how it will react to us, and how we'll react to it, it allows us something that is hard to find in what you already know, something new. Something that can give you a new lease on life. If you get that chance, take it, new leases on a thing like life don't come around too often.
Changing gears again, but not so much, I've been reading this really phenomenal book, called Pillars of the World. There are a bunch of reasons why it's so phenomenal, one of which is that I didn't think it was going to be that good, but it sucked me right in anyways. Another reason is the intricate plotline. There are several different sub-plots going on, but they're woven together so well you don't have to work hard to keep the mseperate in your mind, also, although the connections are clear, they aren't made blatantly, with boisterous fanfare and a circus announcer screaming, "I'm an important plot point, remember me when you get into the next chapter!" Another thing I found interesting about the story is that since sex is an important aspect of the story, it is, after all a power struggle between ancient matriarchs and those who would usurp them, the text carefully toes the line between shying away from the actual sex and gratuitous overuse. Something I found interesting was the way that the society in the story approached sex in general. Granted, they aren't actually human, but their cultural mindset accepts the fact that sex can be pleasurable, and more importantly, it accepts that as a species, their nature is to be polygamous. Apparently some studies have recently come out suggesting that humans also by nature, are polygamous, and before civilization as we know it came about, likely did not mate for life. This could be poppycock, but if there's any truth to it, it would explain an awful lot.
Anyways, that's all I've got on my mind for now.
Daydream Believer
Monday, May 15, 2006
Little Glass Box
Ok, so now I've got my little glass box. Figuratively, at least. I've got my pile of stones, and my throwing arm all warmed up. Only thing left to do is fire off a round or two.
Anyone ever noticed that you can never have the best of both worlds? Or even a nice tidy middle ground. There are all sorts of places where this is obvious. Let's start with politics, you've got the whole abortion debate, in which there's no middle ground whatsoever. You're either a religious nut or a babykiller, and that's all there is to it. Or in real life, a girl can't just be a girl anymore, she's either a militant feminist or a doormat. There's no two ways about it, pick your poison, ladies.
On a slightly less disappointed in society note, as long as we have ears, there's going to be music to entertain and delight us. Today, my music of choice happens to be The Ataris, which for those of you who don't know, is a group who sings music with meaningful lyrics which don't make you want to curl up in a hole and die. I consider this a rarity, and that much more valuable because of it. I'm all for music that makes you want to curl up in a hole and die, and I'm all for music with meaningless lyrics, but all things in moderation.
Anyways, in case you haven't already guessed, I'm going to write in a manner somewhat remeniscent of the thought processes of a scizophrenic, by which I mean slightly irregular and highly sporadic.
In case you care, I'm going to tell you a bit about myself. I have trouble focusing for very long unless the thing I'm focusing on is extremely interesting to me, in which case it'll still be a little sketchy. I thrive on panic. I'm an adrenaline junkie. I create dragons to slay, mostly out of a lack of anything better to do. I am not a gamer, someone once tried to teach me to play Halo, and... well it didn't work at all. I love people, and I like to try to figure out what makes them tick, although I'm usually waaaay out in left field. That doesn't matter, I like the challenge. Ask me any day, and odds are my theory about why life exists will be completely different from the one I gave you the day before. I like thinking, and if I could, I'd like to jump into someone's mind and climb around for awhile. Some someones more than others.
Lately one of my friends has been trying to tell me something about himself without actually telling me. As much as I'd like to fancy myself a master detective, the truth of the matter is that I'm not, and am unlikely to become one anytime soon. He also speaks quite candidly, albeit occaisionally, about someone he refers to only as "her". If I don't figure out who this "her" is soon, I might well be poised for a somewhat feline demise.
It just occured to me just how much I'm going to miss some people who are extremely important to me, although I'm pretty sure they don't know it. I should probably let them know sooner rather than later. Has anyone else noticed that it's many times easier to say "I hate you" than "I love you"? I guess we just live in a hating age. I'm having a chatty day, talking a thousand miles a minute, and not being able to type fast enough to keep up with my train of thought.
I'd like to believe that there's a place that exists only as often as we need it, and that's inside our daydreams. It's completely real, but completely unattached to this world, where we can be happy without worrying about what people will think of us for being happy, and take a vacation from the ordinary to surround ourselves with the incredible. Everybody needs to break the monotony once in awhile.
Daydream Believer
In case you care, I'm going to tell you a bit about myself. I have trouble focusing for very long unless the thing I'm focusing on is extremely interesting to me, in which case it'll still be a little sketchy. I thrive on panic. I'm an adrenaline junkie. I create dragons to slay, mostly out of a lack of anything better to do. I am not a gamer, someone once tried to teach me to play Halo, and... well it didn't work at all. I love people, and I like to try to figure out what makes them tick, although I'm usually waaaay out in left field. That doesn't matter, I like the challenge. Ask me any day, and odds are my theory about why life exists will be completely different from the one I gave you the day before. I like thinking, and if I could, I'd like to jump into someone's mind and climb around for awhile. Some someones more than others.
Lately one of my friends has been trying to tell me something about himself without actually telling me. As much as I'd like to fancy myself a master detective, the truth of the matter is that I'm not, and am unlikely to become one anytime soon. He also speaks quite candidly, albeit occaisionally, about someone he refers to only as "her". If I don't figure out who this "her" is soon, I might well be poised for a somewhat feline demise.
It just occured to me just how much I'm going to miss some people who are extremely important to me, although I'm pretty sure they don't know it. I should probably let them know sooner rather than later. Has anyone else noticed that it's many times easier to say "I hate you" than "I love you"? I guess we just live in a hating age. I'm having a chatty day, talking a thousand miles a minute, and not being able to type fast enough to keep up with my train of thought.
I'd like to believe that there's a place that exists only as often as we need it, and that's inside our daydreams. It's completely real, but completely unattached to this world, where we can be happy without worrying about what people will think of us for being happy, and take a vacation from the ordinary to surround ourselves with the incredible. Everybody needs to break the monotony once in awhile.
Daydream Believer
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)